So by know you’ve seen the Lost premiere and by now you’re just as confused as I am. The “reset” did work, only it didn’t work. Now there’s parallel dimensions. pretty soon were gonna see the evil alternate universe Spock show up with his goatee, or a picture of Marty McFly’s family with their heads disappearing and then his mom wants to give him a BJ in the back of a 58 Pinto. It’s all nuts.

Anyways, someone smarter than me has put together a side by side of the first episode of Lost and the first few minutes of the “reset”. See if you can spot the differences.

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So I was going to write a big Lost post on how we got to where we are and realized that even after seeing every episode and writing detailed recaps of them, even I get confused when I look back and try to piece it all together. Widmore is mad because of what? Why was there a freighter? It’s all so damn confusing.

Well, since there are innumerable recaps of the show so far, and you can always peruse my fabulous recaps here on the site by clicking here, I thought I’d crystallize it for you, in somewhat of a chronological order. Call it a condensed Lost recap.

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Final Season Of ‘Lost’ Promises To Make Fans More Annoying Than Ever

I’m waiting for the jokes….

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I’m not going to be able to do full recaps of The Bachelor this season, but that doesn’t mean I won’t take the opportunity to have a little fun. Like this scene between Host Chris Harrison and Rozlyn, a bachelorette who hooked up with a member of the show’s production staff. Oh, and there might be a few insults from Brill’s Better Off Ted “Dick Infested Man Mattress” recap, for those of you keeping score at home.

Check out the clip after the jump…

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Better off Ted snuck onto ABC’s schedule last year with a terrible name and awesome writing. How can you not love a show that has fire squirrels, racist motion detectors, and weaponized pumpkins? Plus, I have developed intense crushes on both Portia de Rossi and Lem. It is a sexually confusing but hilarious show.

Tuesday’s episode centered around a memo accidentally mandating Veridian Dynamics employees must “now” use offensive language. While the broadcast version maintained a g-rating, the show put together a NSFW (audio) version.

Sadly, like all that is good and precious in the world, Better Off Ted seems doomed. ABC is burning off episodes, presumably to pay for Teri Hatcher’s botox treatments.

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The Presidents press secreatary puts to rest fears that Obama would be STUPID enough to preempt Lost to talk about lame things like health care. I mean WHY would we want to give Ben Linus access to health care? The amount of times hes had his ass kicked the last few years he would bankrupt us. Although now taht I think about it, I think evil Other is considered a preeexisting condition….

MEanwhile, stay tuned for MSR’s 3 hour Lost premiere liveblog and the return of my fantastic recaps!

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As an avid Howard Stern listener for years, I am always sad that there are people out there without Sirius who can’t listen to his genius. Granted, he’s lost a bit of his edge now that he’s a multimillionaire (the 20 minute rants about how hard it is to have contractors build him his new Hamptons estate gets old pretty fast), but for the most part he’s still got it. And on Sirius he gets to do and say whatever he wants.

This week was a high point as he brought out the latest “exclusive” audio from Sarah Palin’s audio book of Going Rogue. Its raunchy, NSFW, and had me and sg-dub in tears we were laughing so hard. Click through to hear it (before Youtube takes it down)

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Just let me say up front: this post is not about television; it is about cooking. And while large chunks of TV programming are devoted to cooking, this is not about any of that. So there’s really no connection to the raison d’etre for either this blog or my own existence. On the other hand, what the hell else are we posting during the holiday coma?  And what the hell else are you really doing, what with the repeats all over TV? Talking to your family? Oh, sure.

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I don’t think anyone at MSR is rougher on SNL than I am. My hatred of the awful “gilly” sketch keeps me warm at night. This season has been extremely unremarkable, especially if you compare it to last years high-water mark during the election. But occasionally though the increasingly c list guest hosts and sketches repeated it the same jokes and same premise, ad infinitum, one will usually burst through. SO it was last week as one of the last sketches of the show, the doorbell sketch, featuring Jenny Slate, or as I like to call her, the one who dropped the F bomb on her first sketch. And If you liked it as much as I did, you can download the ringtone I made for it as a personal Xmas present from me to you .

And don’t forget, Help MSR keep the CHRIST back in Christmas, and the Kah back in Hanukkah!!

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As requested, I am here to recap the Survivor: Samoa finale. We all watched as Russell – one of the most beloved AND hated Survivors ever – singlehandedly made this season interesting. (Seriously, why did they cast most of these people? I applied for this season, and I’m frankly kind of offended that dull people like Brett or Kelly were chosen over me.) Anyway, let’s see who wins this thing (spoiler alert: Jaison can’t ever win anything)!

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