April 3, 2021 TRUE BLOOD: TARA, THE SADDEST LITTLE VAMPIRE

TRUE BLOOD: TARA, THE SADDEST LITTLE VAMPIRE

Lots of Tara this week, you guys. Brace yourselves. This is going to be the Season of Tara. Also: the fairies are back, Eric and Bill get caught up in all sorts of sexposition, Pam continues to be awesome, and JASON WAS RAPED AS A CHILD. Sorry, I’m just in shock that this is apparently a thing we are now going to have to learn about. Thankfully, there are very few werewolves or shapeshifting girlfriends this episode, which always makes things more enjoyable. Let’s get to it!

Tara is freaking out in the woods with her silver-melted face, which quickly heals. And now she can see all the galaxies? Cool vampire power, I guess. Sookie and Lafayette chase her. She runs. She sees a girl changing her tire and runs to eat her. So much suspense as we go into the opening credits! Will this random girl die?

Nope, she’s fine. Tara sees her reflection in the car window and I guess realizes who she is or something? Whatever the case, she goes running off after apologizing to the girl. Fun scene. Very informative.

Oh no, the boring vampire meeting is STILL GOING ON? Is this meeting being aired in real time? The vampires are still bickering about whether or not to let Eric and Bill hunt down Russell. (QUESTION: Bill and Eric already fucked this up once, and also Bill just sucks at everything he does. Does the vampire authority really not have, like, a vampire SEALs team or something on hand for these emergencies? Is BILL really your best and only option?)

Finally, Christopher Meloni kicks everyone out except Salome. He says Russell is the Osama bin Laden of the Sanguinistas, which I already pointed out last week. I SHOULD WRITE FOR THIS SHOW. I don’t know if it makes it better or worse that they explicitly stated this already-painfully-obvious metaphor. Christopher Meloni gives a big speech about Russell being dangerous, which, like, WE ALREADY KNOW. Let’s get a move on! Let’s go hunt him down!

After Bill and Eric are led out of the room, Christopher Meloni has them bring in the “new Nan Flanagan.” It’s Reverend Steve! Hey, Reverend Steve! You sure are everywhere these days! (Question: is the Authority based in Louisiana, like, right outside of Bon Temps? Because everyone seems to get there pretty quickly, and it definitely doesn’t look like it’s in Washington. Which raises the question I’ve asked a million times: WHY DO VAMPIRES ONLY EXIST IN LOUISIANA???)