Friends! Lovers of roses pinned to lapels and breathy statements like “I will always accept a rose from you”! I need some advice. Oh, this is Hiro by the way. Hiro here-o. If I’ve made that joke before, I refuse to apologize because it’s been over a year since I’ve posted anything on this ghost town of a website. What was I saying? Yes. ADVICE. Who should I choose as my favorite dude vying for Ali’s vag heart on the Bachelorette? Let’s pretend I’m Ali. (I’d have to grow a foot, lose some weight, and get some unnaturally defined abs. And turn white.) Who do I want to support me in my career as a seller of ad space on Facebook? Oh wait, I quit that AMAZING career to find the love of a good, sweaty man!

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Anyone been watching this season of The Bachelorette? I’ve caught a few episodes here and there, and for the most part was fairly impressed with the lead cooter. She seemed a decent enough sort, despite her Canadianishness. But all that changed last night. And no, I’m not talking aboot the hot tub hand job. (Although, to paraphrase the ever-paraphrasable Dave Barry, that would make an awesome name for Diddy’s next project.)

I’m talking, of course, aboot Special Ed.

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