I’m flying through these episodes in an attempt to catch up, so this is episode six of season two, which aired, like, two months ago. Or something like that. Anyway, with the amount of True Blood I have to watch, I feel like I’m going to do the unthinkable and actually get tired of orgies. But for now, that is most definitely not the case, so let’s jump right into this blood- and cum-soaked episode!
UGH, I know, this episode is very, very late. I apologize profusely. Due to my three weeks of post-graduation travel, saying goodbye to everyone I’ve ever known, and figuring out where I’m going to live/what to do for the rest of my god-forsaken life, I’ve been a little busy. So I’m several episodes behind on the good old TB, but I’m not going to screw you guys out of full recaps and do one giant five-episode summary. That’s no fun, and I want to be able to devote as much space as possible to each and every HJ or BJ that appears on screen. On that note, let’s get to the recap. This is for episode 5, by the way, so just try to remember what happened a month ago. (I know, it’s hard to remember that far back when you’re as old as you are.)
After dropping that shocking cliffhanger on us two weeks ago and then leaving us with NOTHING last weekend, True Blood is finally back. And it’s good to see nothing has really changed: Bill is still being a bastard to Jessica, Sookie continues to fall deeper into the vampire world, Jason comes THIS CLOSE to having sex with the preacher’s wife, and, once again, everyone gets horny as soon as Maryann starts dancing. She’s like the anti-Richard Simmons. All that after the jump, plus a picture of a man’s butt!
Since so many readers requested recaps of True Blood, I decided to give it a shot. What could be so hard about trying to make sense of this show? After all, most HBO series have a minimum of 15 plot lines going on at any given time, so this should be a piece of cake to keep track of. Anyway, I’m starting with the most recent sex- and blood-filled episode (season two, episode three), so if you want to know what happened before this week, SCREW OFF.