11.21.07 | Recaps, The Hills 

The Hills: Whitney and Big Wangs

hills111907cThe tables have turned, Hills-watchers, and Whitney becomes the main event tonight! She’s getting back in the game after breaking up with her boyfriend, and spends the entire weekend with Jarett, our favorite guido-trainer. Heidi and Spencer quarrel over wedding plans, and it looks for a whole five seconds like they might not go through with it. Tonight’s episode does make one thing clear: there’s a reason why Lauren’s the star. Whitney’s fun, sure, but she’s all rational and mature and stuff. Snore.

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11.14.07 | Recaps, The Hills 

The Hills: I Want to Forgive You. And Then I Want to Punch You in Your Fake Boob.

hills111207fOMG, Hills-watchers, tonight is the confrontation we’ve been (sort of) hoping for all season! With their respective blond/brunette tall “coworkers” standing stalwartly by their sides, Lauren and Heidi have a bitch-off at a Hollywood event, and move it to the couch the next day — to basically say the same things all over again. Audrina begins ignoring JustinBobby, manipulated by Chiara, who probably will move in for the kill after they break up. Because that’s totes what I would do. Mmmm, JustinBobby… Don’t hate! He’ll be gone soon, anyway. Sob.

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11.07.07 | Recaps, The Hills 

The Hills: Whitney’s Wacky Walkie Adventure

hills110507gOMG, readers, it’s time for the TEEN VOGUE Young Hollywood party! We’ve been waiting for this for at least, like, a few episodes. It’s another Whitney/Lauren-centric episode, and I’m quite excited. Also in this episode, JustinBobby babbles incoherently, like the dead-sexy weirdo he is, and Heidi and Spencer have the most morose 21st birthday celebration I’ve ever seen. Let’s go!

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10.31.07 | Recaps, The Hills 

The Hills: Marc by Lauren Conrad

hills102907h In this bicoastal episode, Whitney manages not to totally screw up her first big presentation in NYC and Lauren grumpily meets her favorite designer, Marc Jacobs. Heidi and Spencer barely even make a blip on the radar during the half hour, which pleases me mightily. Perhaps we can faze them out altogether, eh, MTV? Read on to find out if Whitney finally gets some love from, er, Lisa Love and if Lauren can stand to be away from Brody for more than a day.

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10.24.07 | Recaps, The Hills 

The Hills: Nice Guys Finish Last

hills102207gIn this episode, we all learn a valuable lesson: if you want to be on a reality TV show, or date a reality TV star, you’d best find your inner asshole (not in THAT way! Ew!). Because, you see, nice just doesn’t cut it when it the cameras are rolling. Sad, one-episode-wonder Gavin learns this the hard way. Also in this episode: Whitney in a bikini!

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10.17.07 | Recaps, The Hills 

The Hills: Bunney-Trouble in Paradise

hills101507lAfter a horrifying, week-long hiatus, our favorite well-dressed gang of geniuses is back! Brody, who is getting more screen time than our beloved Whitney lately, makes a startling revelation. Audrina forgives Lauren for her JustinBobby obsession. Bunney bounces back and forth between Lauren and Heidi, seeking love in all the wrong places like an abused, surgically altered puppy. All-in-all, a pretty good episode. Come, take Hiro’s hand and let’s travel to the magical office-closet…

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10.03.07 | Recaps, The Hills 

The Hills: What Happens in Elodie’s Brain, Stays in Elodie’s Brain

hills100107eIn this Vegas-fabulous episode, we must wave bye-bye to our dearest ally is the war against Heidi, Elodie. Sniffle. Also, Lo shows us that she’s not that innocent, JustinBobby makes a sulky appearance, and Brody’s hand-bootie sees a little love.

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09.26.07 | Recaps, The Hills 

The Hills: Heel, Katja!

hills092407iMeeting your ex’s new love is always awkward, right? So why not bring along a camera crew to document the keg-party your alcoholic ex-boyfriend is hosting to let the world know he’s engaged to a girl with huge shoulders, scary makeup, and a surly disposition? Ah, young love.

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09.19.07 | Recaps, The Hills 

The Hills: My Elodie, the Hero

hills091707zSadly, we don’t get to see any Lo this episode, nor any JustinBobby. Hiro will have to fantasize about Tina Fey this week. However, Elodie becomes the woman of the half-hour when she tells Heidi, without cussing or punching or even spitting, that she is a friendless whore! It’s nothing short of awesome. Also in this episode: great Whitney faces, the return of Lisa Love, and a little too much Jason Wahler. Read on!

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09.12.07 | Recaps, The Hills 

The Hills: Let’s get you sweaty, bitches!

hills091007cHills-watchers! The evil MTV thinks we’re stupid and easy to manipulate! In the beginning of this episode, Lauren tells us that Audrina’s avoiding JustinBobby because he refuses to be her boyfriend. Um, what? No she’s not! At the end of the last episode, she was, like, totally fine about it. There are many more chronological inconsistencies where that came from. A LOT more. Also: Heidi sells her soul, Lauren and Audrina guido-it-up for a night, and Elodie’s dreams become dust. Read on!

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