My alternate title for this week’s episode was Boring and Boringer. Seriously, has there been a more anticlimactic finale recently? The whole episode felt flatter than Bonnie’s hair. Hell’s Kitchen? More like Jersey’s Kitchenette. Oh well, let’s get it over with, yes?
It’s down to the final two in this, the first week of the two-week finale. Rock versus Bonnie. The professional chef versus the bubbly nanny. Attitude versus schmattitude. But enough with the platitudes. Are you ready for some cooking? Then wake up the gimp, because this… is Hell’s Kitchen.
First, let’s start with the obvious: You might notice that I, BERJnata, am not your usual tour guide to the ups, downs and foot-decapitating spills that is the Hell’s Kitchen roller coaster. For the time being, our beloved copygodd is taking a sabbatical from the grind known as midseasonreplacements, so that he can, presumably, finish up his novel (all joking aside, copygodd does not leave his post lightly, but sometimes, life happens). And while I can never even dream to fill copygodd’s large font, I will do my best. On to the less obvious: Although, I have recapped both American Idol and (to less fanfare) America’s Got Talent, I am not, nor have I ever been, a big reality TV fan. Up until recently I was pretty sure that Hell’s Kitchen was a fictional place of punishment where Leelee Sobieski and Richard Grieco serve abandoned orphans breakfast, lunch and dinner while reciting monologues from the latest Ethan Hawke novel. Shudder. Free puppies and Eskimo kisses after the jump!
Oy, what a week. I got passed over for a promotion I totally deserved, my boss of four whole months then informed us he was taking a six-month “hiatus”, and riding home Monday Jesus took the wheel of my scooter and wiped me out in front of a church. Fortunately, I wasn’t hurt too badly: just a bad case of
stigmata road rash on my right hand, and I wrenched my back a little. But thank husband I was wearing a helmet, cuz otherwise my scalp would be covered with gravel and scabs. (As opposed to its normal sheen of gravel and pomade.)
Oh yeah, Melissa modeled a red version of Whorica’s weave, two short bus riders held their wedding reception in Hell’s Kitchen and Jean Philippe finally got some much-deserved camera-time. All this and more after the jump…
So, sorry about missing last week’s recap of Hell’s Kitchen. Truth be told, I haven’t even watched the episode. But I’m sure the narrator will catch me up toot-sweet. What’s that? Aaron was medically disqualified and Joanne was sacked for serving rancid crab? Well, color me both shocked and awed. Whatever will happen this week? Find out after the jump…
Previously on MSR’s recap of Hell’s Kitchen: EdHill recapped Hell’s Kitchen. This week, copygodd is taking over the recapping reins. And he’s currently working on the intro to this week’s recap. In the intro to this week’s episode of Hell’s Kitchen, copygodd writes about how the narrator keeps pissing him off by either repeating what just happened, or giving away what’s going to happen next. Seriously, whassupwidat? Also, G-Ram tells practically everyone on the show to fuck off (except the fucking narrator, yes?) and some fat guy gets sweaty with the food. All this and more after the jump.
Gordon Ramsay is back and more pisssed off then ever. The first episode alone we have crying gay Asian cowboys, crying blonde bombshells, crying short order cooks and a bunch of overcooked quail eggs. That makes for some good TV. Check it all out after the jump. And Yes, I hate the title of this post too, but it’s the best egg pun I could come up with.
And then there were three. After last week’s end-of-episode-Virginia-meltdown (they happen so much we have to specify them), she decided that she wanted to stay. This left Gordon with no choice but to send Sara, the whiny, nasally, annoying, backstabbing shrew home. In the process, she asked Gordon to kiss her what I can only assume are enormous grits. So now it’s down to the final three. Heather, the competent but whiny one, Keith, who will always be K-grease to me, the talented but somewhat dopey chef, and Virginia, the oversensitive one with no self confidence.
Tonight we find out who will be in the final two. Who will get the chance to go head to head to compete to see who will be head chef at the fancy hotel in Las Vegas, and who will be running the buffet bar at the Bunny Ranch (Tip: don’t eat the mac and cheese there. It’s overcooked). The easy bet would be K-grease and Heather in the final two with Heather winning it all, but you never know in Hell’s Kitchen.
After last week’s departure of Rachel from Hell’s Kitchen, every Indigo Girls fan across the nation shed a tear. What will Heather do without her muse? Her southern lispy muse? But the show must go on. And to my everlasting delight this weeks episode was a cornucopia of juvenile boob jokes. And since I am a grown man who still snickers whenever I hear anyone mention Lake Titicaca, this episode was right up my alley.
But it wasn’t just boob jokes. Oh no, we get another fierce night in the kitchen and even get to witness someone doing the unthinkable. Someone disrespects Chef Ramsay. Even self described “street tough” Tom didn’t have the nerve to do that. Get ready everyone. It’s time for the continuation… of Hell’s Kitchen.
Forget all the previous episodes of Hell’s Kitchen, because last nights episode was one for the ages. The show finally hits it’s stride. I’m sure there were some skeptics, like sg-dub, who criticized the fact that most of the contestants couldn’t cook their way out of a paper bag and hence would make uninteresting candidates for a reality show about cooking. Yeah well, Santino made shitty dresses but we all still loved him. But all critics were silenced last night in what had to be one of the best episodes of the season. Gordon has his biggest blow up yet, Tom gets even more sweaty, and Sara becomes one of the big breakout villains of the summer reality season. Like a big breasted Lex Luthor. In fact I would have to say that it was the best episode… IN THE HISTORY OF HELL’S KITCHEN!!