It’s time to get busy in the fantasy suites! Tonight is the night that Brad gets to know the girls intimately, and then makes a decision that we can only assume has a lot to do with how they perform. Jenni, Bettina, and DeAnna don their finest bikinis and try to win dear Brad’s heart. Through his pants. What?
Tonight, we have the honor and privilege of finding out where exactly these crazy bitches came from. It’s time to meet the families! I’m super duper excited, and I have no idea who Brad will choose at the rose ceremony. I do know one thing: I’d love to party with Sheena’s mom! Her substance abuse would be totally rad. Let’s see where tonight takes us.
Poor Hiro had a very busy week and was out of town/drinking heavily over the weekend. My pleas with the MSR staff to help me recap last week’s Bachelor went completely ignored. I don’t know WHY; I mean, I feel smarter every time I watch this show. So here it is: my first wee-cap. It’s gonna be a bit shorter than usual, sweet, and to the point (like Hiro herself!). I’ll be back on track next week. Promise!
You know, this whole season might head downhill after the sexy Chad/Brad challenge. Let’s hang in there, though, and see what awaits us! This week, we get to watch a sexy helicopter date, a sexy improv theater date, and a sexy barbecue date, all with the Sexiest Bachelor Ever! Also, Bettina’s crazy comes out to play, and Jade and DeAnna become such devoted enemies that… they don’t really talk, and they glare at one another a lot. Exciting!
You know when you cry happy tears? When it seems like you are just bursting with joy because whatever/whomever is so wonderful and beautiful that your eyes well up and you want to laugh and sob all at the same time? Well, Hilary’s tears are not like that at all. They’re, like, the opposite of that. She scares the bejesus out of me. Hold Hiro tightly and read on!
In this episode, featuring THE SEXIEST BACHELOR DATE EVER, Michelle nearly falls to her death, and Solisa’s breasts do their best to convert Brad to Christianity. Jade shows her diabolical side, and the rest of the girls continue their catty, exhibitionist quest to snag the SEXIEST BACHELOR EVER. SEXY.
Well, our friend copygodd has generously (maliciously) handed over The Bachelor to yours truly. After I expressed concern about living up to his legacy, he advised me to make a lot of “in my pants” jokes. I’ll do my best! Let’s head to Malibu and see what the sexiest/least-charismatic bachelor ever is up to!