Lost: I’ve Got a Secret….
Is Libby dead? Why did Michael shoot her and Ana Lucia? Was Henry Gale behind it all? These and other questions have been keeping me up at night for over a week. I tried booze. I tried pills. I tried nameless sex with a variety of loose women. None of it helped ease my pain. I needed to know. The only thing I could do was wait for the next episode of Lost to find the answers I sought. So six sleepless nights in a row, and to top it all off now I have chlamydia. Thanks a lot, Lost. And to make matters worse, none of those questions were answered this week, but we did get to see a new hatch, and that’s always fun. So when Life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Or in my case, when life gives you chlamydia, umm… maybe I should just move on with the recap…
Where do I begin? After another long Lost hiatus filled with repeats and filler “recap” episodes, we finally get to a new episode this week. I was hoping that since it’s now May sweeps we would get an action-packed episode where a lot happens, instead of another slow-moving Hurley relationship episode. Well, at first my fears were realized. Not only was it a slow-moving episode but also an Ana Lucia-based one as well—and as I’m sure some of you are aware, the only thing I like about Ana Lucia is her fantastic orthodontic work. 
I am going to whip my balls out onto the table and state that I believe the latest episode of Prison Break is one of the most complex and difficult shows ever recapped. Wait – why did I just pull my sack out? I hope no one saw that. I don’t mean to whine or make excuses but seriously, it’s like the writers took a bunch of speed before their writing session. “Shit was crazy,” as they say.
FOX is doing viewers a disservice by airing Prison Break and “24″ back to back. They are creating a Zombie Nation; that is, watching these two shows makes viewers so frantic and frazzled, no one is able to get to sleep until 2 or 3 AM every Monday night. If and when these guys ever get out of prison, they’re going to be so bored with the real world that they’ll yearn for the excitement, socialization, and danger of prison life again. They certainly seem to have it better than I do these days – exciting poker games, art classes, loads of recess time, sex on demand (albeit freaky tranny sex, but still…)
Last week offered a bit of a respite from the frantic nervousness of the typical Prison Break episode. That tranquil feeling continued for about 2 minutes this week as we revisited Michael and his little science fair project in Warden Pope’s office. I’m so glad the show didn’t “forget” the Popsicle stick Taj Mahal – it’s such a beautiful thing amidst the ugliness of prison life. And seeing Michael’s crafty diligence in the face of a melted shoulder blade, a condemned brother, a failed escape, and a missing pinky toe is an inspiration to us all. 
So what to do when you have to follow up what has to be one of the best Lost episodes of the season? Well if you’re ABC, the answer is simple—hit the brakes. Bigtime. After last week’s jaw-dropping ending where Sayid totally punks “Henry Gale,” proving that he is the Other we all knew he was, we now get an hour of Hurley complaining about how fat he is. It’s kind of like a cancer patient complaining about how much cancer they have, the only difference of course is that the cancer patient can’t stop his cancer.