This week on Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, a lot of idiocy occurred. Like, more than usual. The heroes follow a strategy that surely will not bite them in the ass at the next challenge, while at the villains’ tribe Russell lays his gross “Russell seeds” in Coach’s (or is it Sir Coach now?) mind. Also, we get to watch skinny people eat lots of chocolate! There’s something for everybody in this one, folks.
This fourth episode of Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains was jam-packed with challenges, some intense strategizin’, more than one immunity idol, Jeff Probst controversy, and nary a chicken hunting scene in sight! It’s quite the exciting episode, and I haven’t even told you about Coach’s sob-fest yet. (Remember when Rob collapsed and Coach proclaimed that everyone else will have a breakdown but he won’t? Delicious irony!)
So how are we all feeling about the final season of Lost? So far I’m OK with it, but I have to tell you, they need to give us one big huge mystery reveal soon. The whole point of waiting 6 years for this season is to get a bang up final season that includes a ton of answers. I don’t need any more cryptic answers to obvious questions. I mean, final season of Lost is designed so we cans top with that crap, right? Did they keep doing it on this episode, or have they moved on? Read on to find out.
I don’t know about you guys, but I found this to be one of the most comical and ridiculous episodes of all time. We have an insane challenge in which many people turn into raging beasts, and probably a record for the most hilarious quotes and one-liners in one episode. Plus, a cat fight for the ages!
Things get crazy this week on Survivor, as the heroes devolve into, well, villains, while the villains kind of act like heroes. It’s all very convoluted. Also, Rob doesn’t so much die as just take a nap in the woods, while James can’t stand six days without steroids and promptly loses his shit. Plus, Jerri and Coach have their first spat. Even better: Russell and Rupert barely make an appearance. We’ve got something for everyone this week!
Only in Lost can an alternate reality that doesn’t have a smoke monster or disappearing island actually make less sense. Well that’s what happened in episode three of Lost’s final season as Alternate reality Kate just acts like a dumbass. Meanwhile in our regular timeline we get torture, a crying Sawyer and Rob McElhenney from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
We finally made it. The final season of Lost. A day I thought would never come. I mean I always thought we’d be stuck on this goddamn island forever. Locke would keep finding hatches, Kate would f*ck her way through the entire coach section of Flight 815, and Sawyer would run out of coy nicknames around 2043, but then just start over from the beginning and Jack would figure out a way to make his tattoos cry. And you know what, I was fine with that.
But to all good things there comes an end, like a really satisfying poop. So come with us people, as we begin the 6 beer and Thai curry fueled dump that is the final season of Lost…
Remember when I used to recap stuff? Me neither. But it’s just like riding a bicycle, right? You take a few drinks, hop on the bicycle, start pedaling, and then write some half-assed jokes that only you find funny. But my love for Survivor is unparalleled by anything else in my life, so I obviously have to recap this, Survivor’s 20th and biggest season ever. I think it’s apt to steal a quote from Colby: “It takes a little bit to get back into the rhythm of Survivor before you go, ‘Alright, I remember this. It’s going to be miserable.’ ” I’ve got the same feeling about recapping this season, Colby. Anyway, let’s try to hack away at this two hour behemoth.
So I was going to write a big Lost post on how we got to where we are and realized that even after seeing every episode and writing detailed recaps of them, even I get confused when I look back and try to piece it all together. Widmore is mad because of what? Why was there a freighter? It’s all so damn confusing.
Well, since there are innumerable recaps of the show so far, and you can always peruse my fabulous recaps here on the site by clicking here, I thought I’d crystallize it for you, in somewhat of a chronological order. Call it a condensed Lost recap.
As requested, I am here to recap the Survivor: Samoa finale. We all watched as Russell – one of the most beloved AND hated Survivors ever – singlehandedly made this season interesting. (Seriously, why did they cast most of these people? I applied for this season, and I’m frankly kind of offended that dull people like Brett or Kelly were chosen over me.) Anyway, let’s see who wins this thing (spoiler alert: Jaison can’t ever win anything)!