The Bachelorette: Rhymes With “Unvalanced”

picturewindow1Anyone been watching this season of The Bachelorette? I’ve caught a few episodes here and there, and for the most part was fairly impressed with the lead cooter. She seemed a decent enough egg, despite her Canadianishness. But all that changed last night. And no, I’m not talking aboot the hot tub hand job. (Although, to paraphrase the ever-paraphrasable Dave Barry, that would make an awesome name for Diddy’s next project.)

I’m talking, of course, aboot Special Ed.

In case you missed it, Special Ed decided he needed to leave the show. Well, “decided” isn’t exactly the right word. He was forced to leave the show by his boss, who called and said if Ed didn’t return to work, he’d be fired. Seems like a pretty straightforward choice to me. But what do I know… After all, I live in America, Land of the Free and Home of the Brave Naive.

Evidently Canadaland has a much better economy/job market than we do, because The Bachelorette couldn’t understand why Ed would opt to leave the show and save his job, rather than stay and take a chance on cupping her booty. It’s almost as if he decided to come on the show because he likes leading strangers on, before breaking their hearts on the teevee. Wait, that sounds like the same reason she decided to do the show. Now I’m confuzzled.

Anyhoo, she kept crying and whining and whining and crying aboot having her heart broken despite wearing pants, until Host Chris Harrison finally sat her down for a little Host-on-Ho time. He flat out asked if she were falling in love with Ed. Her answer? “I’ll miss Ed, but he wasn’t the only guy I was falling for.” Really? Then shut the fuck up.

Look, Ed didn’t know his boss was going to threaten his job. And he clearly made the right decision. But all her Whackness can think aboot is, “Why would he do this to me?” After all, if he stayed, she could guarantee him a spot at this week’s Rose Ceremony. And all America could guarantee him was a spot in the unemployment line. If Canada’s mental health system lets such obvious nutjobs roam the streets, maybe the Republicans are right.

copygodd | 06.16.09 | Filed in The Bachelorette

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