Why I Hate Guy Fieri, episode 3,546

fieredoucheI hate Guy Fieri. He is symptomatic of the Food networks shift away from actual chefs and more towards “personalities” who have a rudimentary knowledge of how to boil water. That is how I describe Guy Fieri…

I hate his voice, his shitty hair, his shitty clothes, and his annoying “sunglasses on the back of his head” thing. His personality is abrasive, annoying, and obnoxious. His shows on food network highlight shit food. His “cooking show” shows him cooking shit food. He is a shameless whore, hawking all sorts of useless crap to cash on his temporary fame. He sells watches, shirts, bobble head dolls and yes, shitty ass cookbooks. His “food” is barely edible and includes things such as “Cajun Chicken Alfredo” Which is just Alfredo chicken with Paul Prudhommes spice mix thrown on top, or his “Cornbread stuffed meatloaf” which is just what you think it is.

And then there is “Diners, Drive-ins and Dives”. Which has him traveling to shitty diners that serve shitty food and him gushing about how good it is, how “American” it is. Shit food is shit food. I enjoy shitty greasy cheese fries just like the next guy but I don’t put it in a goddamned pedestal the same way I don’t honor the random crap I put together for dinner on the days when there’s nothing left in the pantry (which is what all of his awful recies seem to remind me of).

So as if I needed evidence, here is another example.

Politico reports that Tonight Guy Fieri is supposedly going to be at a local Hill bar known as the Tune Inn. Now, I love the tune inn. It is a classic dive bar. This on a strip off Pennsylvania avenue that is full of bars like Hawk and Dove and Capitol Lounge. OK bars but full of 20 something Hill staffers chugging bad beer after their Wednesday bocce tournament games. THE Tune Inn however is different. It’s a true dive bar, where you’ll see the same guy with the handlebar mustache sitting in front every time. This also a favorite hangout of a handful of members of congress that appreciate a good dive bar. What’s even better is it has dirt cheap food. I’m talking dirt cheap for Willimantic CT, much less DC. The food of course is crap. Many people I know won’t even admit they even eat it. They got for the PBR on tap (I myself drink the Sierra Nevada since I am a beer snob).

So obviously since it’s a bar that serves awful food Guy will be there. I’m sure we’ll get the close up orgasm face as he eats a cheeseburger and then talks about how great it is. Let me clarify: it’s not great. It’s a 7 dollar cheeseburger that provides adequate calories to keep you from getting hungry. That’s about it.

EdHill | 05.05.10 | Filed in Food Network

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