The Walking Dead: Oh, Brother.
This week on The Walking Dead: A pointless flashback, Maggie got back and Merle comes back.
Scene: Flashback to the beginning of the outbreak. Shane, Lori and Carl are stuck in gridlocked traffic on the way to Atlanta.
Shane: I can’t get anything on the radio.
Lori: You mean there’s no music? How am I supposed to get my groove back? My woman parts are dyin’ here. Just like my husband who you told me died back in the hospital.
Shane: I mean I can’t get nothing at all. No talking, no music, nothing. It’s like all the DJs are all tardy to the party.
Lori walks over to Ed and Carol’s truck, where Carl and Sophia are playing checkers.
Carl: I’m hungry. Why can’t someone around here shoot us a deer or something?
Sophia: Yeah. And why can’t I go exploring in the woods? This place is so boring!
Suddenly, helicopters fly overhead, prompting Shane and Lori to run into the woods to see what’s happening.
Shane: They’re dropping napalm in the streets of that green screen.
Lori: Thank god my dead husband isn’t here to see this. Although if he were here, he’d be a walker and then we’d have to shoot him, because he’s definitely dead, right Shane?
Shane: Deader than the SFX guy who thought this was an acceptable green screen effect.
Scene: The refuge camp at Hershel’s farm.
Lori: I can’t believe I overslept. I should’ve been up puking from morning sickness.
Carol: You must’ve needed it. Now that you’re up, though, I need help with the wash. Your husband and his Hershey stains…
Lori: I know. I can’t believe I let him donkey punch me.
Carol: You know what would be nice? If we cooked Hershel and his family dinner. Of course, we’ll have to use their appliances, their kitchen, and their food, but I’m sure Hershel won’t mind. He seems so nice and understanding.
Scene: Rick is giving everyone their new search grids in the never-ending search for Sophia.
Rick: We need to continue looking out past the farmhouse where Daryl found the flower.
Random Kid: I’d like to help. I know the area and stuff.
Rick: Who are you?
Random Kid: I’m definitely not the person in charge of whatever’s in the barn that you’re not allowed to look at.
Rick: Good enough for me.
Daryl: I’m gonna borrow a horse and head up to the ridge so I can get a bird’s eye view of the whole grid.
Shane: Why are we making a grid if you can see everything from up on the ridge?
Rick: Stop being so logical, Shane.
T-Doug: Maybe you’ll see your chupacabra up there, Daryl.
Daryl: Maybe I’ll see my foot up your black ass.
Stevie Williams: Hey-o!
Random Kid: I’d like a gun, please.
Daryl: People in hell want Slurpees.
Random Kid: We have Slurpees? Awesome.
Scene: Glenn is plucking an acoustic guitar on the front porch. Maggie walks out to say Hi.
Glenn: (singing) Smack my bitch up… Oh, hey Maggie, I still have 11 condoms left.
Maggie: You see 11 condoms, I see 11 minutes of my life I’m never getting back.
Glenn: Once you go Korean, you never go uhm, ah hell, I’m as bad at rhymes as I am at making the sexy time.
Scene: Rick and Shane are exploring their grid.
Rick: I know it’s hard for you to talk about serious stuff, so let’s talk about all the girls you’ve banged.
Shane: Like Lori?
Shane: Nothing. I was a protégé.
Rick: You mean prodigy.
Shane: I do?
Both men continue searching.
Shane: This is stupid. We both know we’re never going to find Sophia. You’re playing with people’s lives, and you got us out here like we’re saving cats in trees.
Rick: Is that what you think of Sophia? That she’s a cat in a tree?
Shane: I guess that would make her a pussy willow. Heheheh.
Scene: Daryl is riding his horse up on the magical birds-eye ridge. He sees a doll down in the river. As he starts to head toward it, his horse gets spooked by a snake and throws Daryl off. Daryl falls down into the river, where he impales himself on one of his few remaining arrows.
Daryl’s abdomen: Ouch.
Daryl crawls out of the river and rips off his sleeves to make a bandage for his little accident, then starts climbing back up the hill. Halfway up, he slips and falls all the way back down.
Daryl’s torso: Double-ouch.
Daryl passes out, then wakes up, surprised to see his brother Merle.
Merle: Look at ya. Lying in the dirt like a used rubber.
Daryl: Good to see you too, bro.
Merle: So you Rick’s bitch now? Playin’ errand boy for a bunch of pansy-asses, n*ggas and democrats.
Daryl: How do you know T-Doug’s a democrat?
Merle: If you had any nuts in that sack of yours, you’d go back there and shoot your pal Rick in the face for me.
Merle starts kicking Daryl in the foot. Daryl looks up and Merle has transformed into a zombie munching on his shoe. It was all just a dream!
Daryl: Hey, get your teeth offa my shitkicker!
Daryl kills the zombie with a stick, then pulls the arrow out of his side and shoots another zombie in the face.
Female viewers’ vaginas: Swoon.
Hershel: One of your people took one of my horses.
Rick: I was under the impression that you were okay with that.
Hershel: And one of my random kids is out looking for Sophia.
Rick: I was under the impression that you were okay with that, too.
Hershel: Are you also under the impression that I’m a nice guy? Because I’m really a more of a malevolent tyrant, in case you hadn’t noticed.
Rick: I was under the impression that you were okay with being a dick.
Scene: Reinvigorated by killing a couple of walkers, Daryl guts and eats a raw squirrel. He then makes a necklace out of zombie ears and starts climbing back up the hill. Halfway up, he runs into Merle again.
Daryl: Oh, hey Merle.
Merle: Hey yourself, pussy.
Daryl: You’re not even real.
Merle: I’m as real as your chupacabra, little brother.
Daryl: Then would you mind giving me a hand? Oh that’s right, you can’t. Cuz you cut your own hand off. Now every spank’s gonna be a stranger. Dumbass.
Merle: Mom always liked me better.
Scene: Hershel’s kitchen. All the womenfolk are busy cooking and setting the table.
Hershel: We need to be setting clear boundaries with these people, Maggie. They’re getting a little too comfortable.
Maggie: It’s just dinner.
Hershel: Speaking of too comfortable, what’s going on with you and that Asian boy?
Maggie: Asian boy? I’m a little old for us to be having this conversation.
Hershel: So solly, Maggie. I meant what’s going on with you and Short Round?
Scene: Back at the refugee camp, Andrea is atop the RV keeping lookout with a rifle. Glenn is inside, waiting to return a book to Dale.
Glenn: Hey Dale, is Andrea on her period?
Dale: What? Why?
Dale invites Glenn to visit Nostrilvania.
Glenn: Because Maggie and Lori are both acting weird, and I heard if girls stay around each other too long, their cycles start to sync and pretty soon it’s a big menses-fest.
Dale: I’m gonna advise you to keep that theory to yourself.
Glenn: I schtooped Maggie.
Dale: What? Does Hershel know?
Dale: Then high five! (Pause.) But Jebus, Glenn, what were you thinking?
Glenn: I was thinking that I might be dead tomorrow. Also, me so horny. I was hoping she love me long time.
Andrea spots a walker coming out of the woods and starts yelling to warn everyone.
Andrea: I bet I could nail him from here.
Rick: No, we got it covered.
Rick, Shane, T-Doug and Glenn all grab their weapons and run out to take care of the walker, who turns out to be Daryl.
Daryl: That’s the third time you pointed that thing at my head. You gonna pull the trigger or what?
A shot rings out, and Daryl falls to the ground from a headshot.
Daryl: I was just kidding!
Atop the RV, Andrea realizes she shot Daryl.
Andrea: Did I do that?
Scene: Inside the farmhouse, Hershel, Rick and Shane are tending to Daryl’s wounds.
Hershel: Any idea what happened to my horse?
Daryl: Good to see you too, Hershel.
Hershel: It’s a wonder you people have survived this long.
In the hallway, Shane confronts Rick about the stupid search for Sophia.
Rick: Daryl risked his life to bring us the first hard evidence that Sophia’s alive.
Shane: That’s one way to look at it. The way I see it, Daryl risked his life for a doll.
What kind of kid plays with a doll like this?
Scene: Dinnertime at Hershel’s farm. Everyone is forcing themselves to eat, and nobody is talking at all.
Glenn: Anyone know how to play guitar?
Patricia: Otis did.
Shane’s conscious: Sad face.
Maggie slips Glenn a note asking him where he wants to meet later.
Glenn’s penis: Schwing!
Carol brings a plate of food to Daryl and thanks him for all he’s done.
Carol: You’re a good man, Daryl Dixon. You’ve done more for my little girl in one day than Ed ever did.
Daryl: Great. You seen my ear necklace?
“I smell sex and zombie.”
Maggie finally reads Glenn’s answer: “Have you ever done it in a hayloft?” Panicked, she runs out to the barn, where Glenn has climbed up to make a suitable bed for their next minute together. He hears a noise, and looks down over the edge. The barn is full of walkers. Scared, he turns to go and runs into Maggie.
Maggie: You weren’t supposed to see this.
Ain’t no party like a zombie party!
So what did you think of this week’s episode? Overall, I liked it. Still not enough zombie killing, but there were lots of little interesting things happening here and there that are setting up the next few eps. (If you’ve read the books, you know what I’m talking about.)
And how cool was it to see Merle back for a bit? Sure, he’s a despicable racist, but at least he’s despicable for the right reasons. So many of the others are despicably awful and/or boring and/or whiny (Andrea, Lori, Carol).
I’m really starting to like what they’re doing with Shane’s character. He’s actually a lot more like Rick is in the books. I guess the writers were afraid we couldn’t deal with someone so dark as the lead character (at one point in the books, Rick chops off a child’s hand just because the kid won’t let go of his arm), so they made Rick all pansy and gave Shane his darker tendencies.
Anyway, just two more episodes left in this mini season, then the show’s dark until February. Here’s hoping we get at least one good zombie carnage scene in the next two hours to hold us over through Christmas.
copygodd | 11.17.11 | Filed in The Walking Dead