The Walking Dead: Last Call.

This week on The Walking Dead: Lori is found, a bad guy falls down and continuity errors abound. Also, Carl makes a stupid face.

All this and more after the jump…

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This week starts off right after Lori crashes her car. Well, not literally right after, since she crashed in the daytime and now it’s dark. So I guess we’re starting off figuratively right after she crashes her car. Anywho, a walker is outside trying to get in through the hole Lori’s head made when she cracked the windshield with it, but the hole isn’t big enough for the walker to fit through. Odd. I figured her head would’ve made a much bigger hole, since it’s chock full of motherly wisdom and guilt. But this zombie is just like the honey badger in that he just doesn’t give a shit. He keeps trying to squeeze through the hole to the point that the sides of his face are peeled off. Oh, yuck! Lori tries to climb out of the car, but can’t, so she grabs a random sharp implement and stabs the walker in the eye. Take that, Walker! Lori wriggles out of the car, just in time to encounter another walker trying to sneak up on her. Walkers are sneaky like that. You know what’s not sneaky? Lori shooting the walker in the face. Yay Lori! I mean boo, Lori’s still alive.


I hope she got the zombie rider at the rental counter.

At the bar, we rejoin Rick, Glenn and Hershel right after Rick shot those two Philly wankers. Except something’s all messed up with the time here, too. When Rick shot them last week, it was still daylight. And now it’s all dark and stuff. Did the producers forget to pay the electric bill, or is their continuity person just Totes Notsoamazeballs?

The guys pick through the pockets of the dead men looking for shells, bullets, condoms, Tic Tacs, lint, loose change, sequins and anything else Daryl can use to bedazzle his ear necklace. Just as they’re getting ready to leave, they see some headlights sweep up the street, so they all do a little dance, make a little love and get down tonight. I said get down, dammit! There are people outside, and they don’t sound very happy that they can’t find their friends. You know, the two dudes that Rick shot what seems like a few minutes ago, but is clearly hours ago if we’re to trust something as untrustworthy as THE SUN!

Instead of just hiding and waiting for the new people to leave, Rick does what Rick always does, and tells the bad guys exactly what happened. “They drew on us! They drew on us first!” Bad plan, Rick. If these bad guys are anything like Dave and Fat Tony, they’re gonna think you mean with a Sharpie, and they’re really going to get pissed that you killed their friends because they drew a heart with BFF on your arm. Yep, they’re pissed, and everyone starts shooting at each other. Nice plan, DICK.

Meanwhile, back at the farm, everyone is sitting down to a nice friendly dinner when they realize Lori is missing. No wonder it was so nice and friendly. Of course, Shane has to go after her, what with him being her baby-daddy and all. So he squeals off in the Shanemobile, and all is quiet again at the farm.

Carol decides she needs to walk the long and winding road to Daryl’s encampment (actually just across the field) and let him know what happened. He admits that Lori came to him asking for help, and he told Olive Oyl to find Rick by her own damn self. Daryl’s tired of being told what to do. He’s tired of cleaning up everyone’s mess. And he’s tired of nobody ordering a single ear necklace on Etsy. “I’ve had tons of page views, but not a single goddamn order,” he seethes. Besides, Daryl thinks it’s Carol’s fault that Sophia got lost in the first place. All she had to do was keep an eye on her stupid kid, and instead she spent all her time washing underwear and getting beat up by her husband.

Shane must have been an awesome cop, half bloodhound, half Dirty Harry and half Joe Friday (In Al Gore parlance, that makes him HoundHarryJoe!), because he finds Lori in what seems like seconds after leaving to look for her. Of course, it didn’t hurt that there’s only one road into town, and she was walking right down the middle of it. The better to attract walkers, my dear! She tells Shane she has to go into town and find Rick and tell him to bring Hershel back, because that’s what the voices inside her uterus told her to do. Shane tells her everyone is already back at the farmhouse, all safe and sound, so Lori gets in the car and everything seems all hunky-dory until they get to the farmhouse and she learns everyone is most certainly NOT already back at the farmhouse all safe and sound. You mean Shane lied? Inconceivable!

Shane explains that he lied to her because he was trying to protect the baby. “Wait, what?” is the group’s collective response. Lori’s pregnant? How did that happen? When did that happen? Pre- or post- Rick’s resurrection? I’m not sure the group knows how to feel about this bit of news, except for Carl, who’s all excited that he’s going to be a big brother. What’s so exciting about that, Carl? Chances are the baby’s never going to make it out of Lori’s tummy alive, and even if it does, it’s sentenced to a life of unimaginable hardship and horror, struggling to survive in a world overrun by flesh-eating zombies, where the few remaining humans are even more terrible to each other than the walkers are, and all you can think about is how excited you are that you’ll finally have someone to give noogies to? Carl is so awful.


“Okay Glenn, you go run between all those zombies and get the car. Hershel and I will wait here and yell and point at you so the zombies don’t know what we’re up to.”

Back at the bar, Rick is trying to devise a plan of escape. And of course, his plan involves putting Glenn in the line of fire. Again. He tells Glenn to run out back and grab the car and drive around to pick them all up, and maybe he could gas up and grab some nachos while he’s at it because yum, who doesn’t love some hot, cheesy nachos?

Anyway, after Glenn and Hershel almost shoot each other, Hershel covers Glenn while he sneaks out the back, a bad guy shoots at Glenn, who hides behind the dumpster, Hershel shoots the bad guy, who gets his face eaten off by walkers (the bad guy, not Hershel), Rick shows up to help Glenn and Hershel, another bad guy falls off the roof and gets impaled on a fence and his bad buddies (baddies?) drive off and leave him to die. As always, Rick’s plan worked to perfection.

Well, except for the part where Rick insists they can’t leave the injured bad guy to die, because that wouldn’t be nice. And this is coming from the guy who, in the space of a couple days, shot Sophia in the face and killed two strangers in a bar? Now he’s all “we don’t leave people to die, that’s not who we are” and shit? Fuck you, Rick. Even Hershel knows you’re an idiot, and he’s still drunk.

Rick orders Hershel to amputate the kid’s leg with a rusty pocketknife, but when the walkers get too close, Rick just grabs the kid’s leg and yanks it off the post, which is exactly what Hershel told him NOT to do, because the kid will bleed out. But since it’s Rick that does it, the kid lives and now they have to bring him back to the farm, which is exactly what they didn’t want to do and why Rick shot Dave and Fat Tony in the first place. I hope Rick’s not going to go all Jacob-y on us and start deciding who gets to visit the island farmhouse based on his own skewed sense of right and wrong instilled in him by a bat-shit crazy midwife/mother. Although that would be an interesting plot twist. And a chance to see Sawyer crack wise about a walker’s complexion.

While all this is going on (at least, I assume it’s happening at roughly the same time, although there’s really no way to be certain since the sun has proven itself so unreliable at doing its job), Shane has decided this is the moment he has to have “the talk” with Lori. Seriously, she needs to know how she got pregnant. Also, she needs to know that everything Shane’s done, he’s done it for love. Their time together when they thought Rick was dead never felt so good it never felt so right they were glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife!

So yeah, there’s that.

The next morning everyone (including Daryl!) is gearing up to go search for Rick, Glenn and Hershel, when the missing trio come pulling up the driveway. Okay, so it was still dark when they rescued Randall, but now when they get home there’s a bright morning sun? It doesn’t seem like the town is really all that far away, but evidently looks can be deceiving. Like how Lori looks like an interesting character, or Carl looks like he isn’t completely retarded.

Everyone’s glad to see the guys, until they notice Randall tied up and blindfolded in the back seat. Rick tells them he couldn’t just leave him behind. Uhm, yeah you could, is Shane’s counterargument. They go back and forth a bit more, arguing about who keeps the group safer (Shane), who banged more chicks in high school (Shane), who has a better southern accent (neither) and who’s Lori’s baby-daddy (Hershel?!). Rick tells them as soon as Randall is healthy, they’ll take him back out to the road and let him go. Of course, this plan is anathema to Shane; Randall could bring the rest of his group back to the farm and start a war. It’s far more likely he’ll just get eaten by a zombie, but Shane’s never been one for dramatic understatement.


“I am so turned on right now.”

Hershel and Shane fight. Glenn and Maggie fight. Dale and his eyebrows fight. Shane tells Andrea he should have ran away with her when he had the chance. Maggie tells a pointless story about birth control and swimming with the horses. (I hope that’s a euphemism for something interesting and/or sexual, but knowing Maggie, it’s not.) And finally Rick and Lori retire to the privacy of their tent. Seriously, why are people still living in tents? The farmhouse is plenty big enough for everyone. And even if it’s not, they could at least sleep in the barn, where it’s at least a tad bit safer, although the barn probably still smells like walkers and chicken poop, but still, nothing a good old fashioned Amish barn-airing-out or can of Febreze can’t take care of. What I guess I’m saying is “Ditch the tents, dumbasses!”

Lori tells Rick she thinks Shane is dangerous. She thinks he killed Otis. And he’ll try to kill Rick to protect what he thinks is his: her cooze. (Hey, Fat Tony’s word, not mine.) Rick makes an even more serious face, and we go to credits.

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So, what did you think of this week’s episode? Overall, I liked it. I still wished Lori would have died, but I wish that every episode. Who do you think is a better leader/protector/father figure for Carl: Rick or Shane? Do you think the writers are setting us up for one of them getting killed? If so, I hope it’s Lori.

copygodd | 02.23.12 | Filed in Recaps,The Walking Dead

 
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