The Walking Dead: Oh, the Humanity!

This week on The Walking Dead: The group votes on Randall’s fate, Carl practices being walker-bait, Dale finds a gutted cow out past the gate, and I explore an obsession with run-on sentences and non sequiturs.

All this and more after the jump…


This week’s episode opens with Daryl “interrogating” Randall, which doesn’t make much sense because last week Rick was all “I need a night to think about what to do with Randall” and we thought that meant he was actually going to think about it, but turns out what he actually meant was Daryl needed to spend the night beating the crap out of Randall, and by all night I mean literally all night, because it’s morning when Daryl comes out and tells the gang that Randall admitted his group is up to no good. Actually what Randall said was his group had about 30 people who were heavily armed and whose men had a penchant for child rape, but not Randall, no siree, he never raped no girl in front of her daddy, well maybe except for that one time after prom, but it doesn’t count as rape if it’s prom and especially if it’s your sister-cousin.

Rick’s heard enough and says Randall needs to be killed. Of course, Dale says Rick is wrong, and that he can’t just decide to take someone’s life, and Rick is all like, “yes I can, dumbass, I just ‘decided’ to kill his buddies last week, and then I ‘decided’ not to kill Randall and bring him back here to let Hershel perform some magic vet juju on him to cure his mangled leg in a week and now I just ‘decided’ we’re going to kill him and your hat is stupid!” Then he gives Dale until sundown to make his case to the rest of the group.

In the RV, Dale asks Andrea to guard Randall against Shane while he goes and talks to the others. He begs Andrea to take his side, since she used to be a civil rights lawyer, and they have to maintain some semblance of laws and civilization and shit otherwise they’re no better than the scum Andrea used to defend on a daily basis. Eventually, she agrees to do it, not because she thinks Dale is right, but rather because his eyebrows are totally freaking her the fuck out and she just needs to get away before they go all tree-root-rapey on her.

Later, Shane walks up to the shed and finds Andrea guarding it. He can’t believe she’s helping Dale out on this one, and when Andrea asks what he’s going to do about it, he says he’s thinking about locking Rick and Hershel in a room together and taking their guns, but swears it won’t get out of hand, because nothing on this show ever doesn’t go exactly according to plan.

While those two are bickering, Carl sneaks into the shed and has a confrontation with Randall. And by “confrontation” I mean he just stands there while Randall starts jabbering about what a cool dad Rick must be and how his group will be really nice to Carl and won’t rape his mom too much and how awesome Carl’s hat is and that’s when I know he’s lying because we all know CARL’S HAT IS NOT AWESOME!

Shane finds Carl in the shed and yells at him and Carl pleads with Shane not to tell his parents because he doesn’t want to get in trouble and get grounded because Hershel’s farm is so boring and Shane tells him life isn’t about getting in trouble it’s about not getting killed. And then to prove his point Shane shoots Carl in the face and says, “Ha, I bet you wish you were only grounded now, dontcha?” Okay, that didn’t happen but how many of you wish it did? I hate Carl.

Meanwhile, Dale is still wandering around camp trying to talk people into not letting Rick kill Randall. Daryl tells Dale the group is broken, and Hershel tells him he doesn’t want to hear about it, and Shane tells him that if he can convince everyone not to kill Randall, he won’t stand in Dale’s way. Also, he totally respects Dale’s balls.

Later, Carl is masturbating over Sophia’s grave when Carol catches him and she’s all mad and Carl tells her she’s an idiot for believing in Heaven or that Dubya actually won Florida. Carol gets pissed and tells Rick and Lori they need to get their son in line, so Rick finds Carl and tells him “don’t talk, think,” which totally makes everything all better now.

Because Carl is such a good kid, he stops talking and wanders over to Daryl’s camp, where he marvels at a bunch of dead squirrels hanging from a clothesline and then steals a gun out of Daryl’s Nazi saddlebags. See Carl, your dad was right. Thinking rocks!

From there, Carl wanders off into the woods, where he sneaks up on a zombie stuck in the mud. Since the zombie can’t move, Carl passes the afternoon throwing rocks at it. But since Carl throws like a girl and can’t hit a zombie that’s standing ten feet in front of him, he eventually sidles up to the creature and acts like he’s going to shoot it and then the walker gets free and tries to grab Carl but he’s all weak from being stuck in the mud and not eating anyone so he can’t hold on to Carl’s shoe and Carl gets away but drops the gun and GODDAMMIT WHY ISN’T CARL DEAD YET?

Back at the farm, Hershel gives Glenn the watch that Christopher Walken kept hidden up his ass.

Finally, it’s sundown, which means it’s time for everyone to gather and do their best community theatre version of Twelve Angry Men. Basically, the argument Dale makes is they’re no better than the other gang if they kill Randall in cold blood. However, the fact that Randall already tried to kill them kind of negates Dale’s case, because self-defense and/or revenge isn’t in cold-blood. And really, how is this any different than when Rick killed Randall’s buddies back in the bar? But because Andrea used to be a civil rights lawyer, she’s swayed by Dale’s logic and says they should spare Randall’s life. And because everyone else hates old hippies and lawyers almost as much as they hate zombies, they take Rick’s side and vote to kill the prisoner. Of course, being an aging hippy, Dale refuses to accept the results and storms out of the room. Suck it, Dale. Democracy RULES!

Rick, Shane and Daryl take Randall out to the barn and are about to kill him when Carl shows up. “Do it, Dad,” he says, slowly massaging his groin. I wish Rick would have mistaken Carl for a walker and “accidentally” shot him in the face, but instead he just lowers his gun and tells Daryl to take Randall back to the shed.

While all this is going on, Dale is wandering out in a field, muttering under his breath about sticking it to the man and complaining about his prostate and how he knows Shane killed Laura Palmer when he comes across a cow with its guts all torn out, so he turns around to go back to the farm and whoopsie, there’s a zombie there all of a sudden, right where there wasn’t one a few seconds ago when we saw Dale walking through a big field all alone and muttering to himself. Where’d that zombie come from? And why does it look so familiar? Uh oh, it’s the same walker Carl was teasing earlier in the day, and boy is it pissed!

Dale does a good job of holding the walker off – for about 5 seconds – and then the walker uses its super wonder twin powers of evisceration to rip a hole in Dale’s abdomen and pull his guts out. Dale’s screams bring everyone in camp running, but since he’s in the middle of a big empty field they can’t find him until it’s too late. Daryl stabs the walker in the head, but they can only stand there and watch as Dale writhes in silent agony. Hershel tells Rick that Dale can’t be saved, so Rick pulls out the python and prepares to shoot Dale in the face. Except he can’t do it! So Daryl takes the gun and does it for him. “Sorry, brother,” he says to Dale, and shoots him in the face.


So, what did you think of this week’s episode? How did Randall’s leg heal so quickly? How upset are you about Dale’s death? (I thought the scene where he lifted his head closer to Daryl’s gun was actually very well done, although I’m still glad he’s dead.) How is knowing that he’s responsible for Dale’s death going to affect Carl’s fragile psyche? Is it unhealthy how much I hate Carl? I don’t think so.

copygodd | 03.08.12 | Filed in The Walking Dead

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