NEW

Samantha Who?
Airs: Monday, 9:30 PM; Genre: Sitcom; Christina Applegate loses her memory, forgets that she used to be a raging bitch. Premieres 10/15

EdHill: I always enjoy the disasters that are Christina Applegate sitcoms. She’s gone through so many its only a matter of time before she shows up in one where she’s an albino astronaut that owns a bar in El Paso and has a sassy gay butler.

sg-dub: “Christina Applegate loses her memory”… Acting?

BERJnata: It’s got to have something going for it if it took Christina Applegate away from her responsibilities on Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead 2: Granny’s Revenge.

copygodd: What does David Faustino have to do to get a little network lovin’?

Cavemen
Airs: Tuesday, 8 PM; Genre: Sitcom; Based on the Geico commercials. Seriously. Premieres: 10/02

EdHill:Does this mean that during the commercials we actually get to see real TV? Seriously, whoever came up with this idea needs to be fired.

sg-dub: Jesus wasn’t no monkey.

BERJnata: I can’t wait for the crossover episode with the Gecko.

copygodd: If you’re going to make a TV show based on a commercial, I vote for the Swedish Bikini Team. Or the mother and daughter from Massengill.

brilliantmistake: I love how the creators wanted this to be a big metaphor about racism, but it didn’t occur to them that having cavemen as a stand in for black/latino/whatever is in itself kinda racist. Don’t hate them because they are less evolved! Next season, we’ll have a plucky troupe of kittens represent women. Don’t hate them because they are helpless and cute!

Hiro: They should add a layer to the metaphor by making the cavemen retarded.

Carpoolers
Airs: Tuesday, 8:30 PM; Genre:Sitcom; Four Dads wacky adventures in the carpool lane. Premieres: 10/02

EdHill: Will he use his wipers or not? FM or AM? The real life Drama you won’t want to miss.

sg-dub: The only way this can possibly be interesting is if they end up blowing each other.

BERJnata: One of the Kids in the Hall-ers is the mastermind behind this show, so it’ll be worth a look. Until Jerry O’Connell opens his mouth.

copygodd: Might be worth a look if the car is named KITT.

brilliantmistake: Their names are Gracen, Laird, Aubrey, and Dougie. Who names their kid Dougie?

Pushing Daisies
Airs: Wednesday, 8 PM; Genre: Sci-Fi/Drama; Regular dude gets power to bring people back from the dead. Premieres: 10/03

BERJnata: The last time ABC had a show with this much buzz, it gave us Desperate Housewives. And yet, besides that, I’m actually looking forward to this show. Here’s a tip to the Pushing Daisies writers though: If things are starting to look a little dicey around episode nine, just have one of your characters, lock him/herself out of the house in a towel. Classic!

copygodd: This show would be better if he could kill people by touching them. Or himself. That would be cool. Every time he masturbates, the person he was fantasizing about would die. Just like the kittens on that motivational poster.

EdHill: if the description of the show continued “..and then creates a super elite fighting force made up of dead presidents to fight evil” it would be the best show EVER. Next to Manimal.

Private Practice
Airs: Wednesday, 9 PM; Genre: Drama/Spin-off; Addison heads to California to un-McSteamy/Dreamy herself. Premieres: 9/26

EdHill: After watching the 2 hour “preview” during last seasons Grey’s, it looked about as original and fresh as Joanie Loves Chachi and After M*A*S*H.

sg-dub: I’ve been practicing privately to build up enough vitriol for this show. I still have a ways to go.

BERJnata: I know there is something positive to say here… I just know it… give me a minute…

brilliantmistake: A show where horny doctors having sex in private office and then whine about it, so it’s completely different than Gray’s Anatomy where horny doctors have sex in a hospital and then whine about it. Next season, look for the spin-off CerVixens, where horny doctors have sex at Planned Parenthood and then whine about it. Convenient for the inevitable syphilis outbreak.

Dirty Sexy Money
Airs: Wednesday, 10 PM; Genre: Drama/Soap; Think Dynasty on Crack. With a Baldwin Brother! Premieres: 09/26

sg-dub: I’ll only give this a shot if and when the phrase “DSM” enters watercooler lexicon.

BERJnata: Whoa, is that Anna from The O.C. channeling her inner Paris Hilton? Sign. Me. Up.

copygodd: Money is neither dirty nor sexy.

brilliantmistake: I just can’t decide if the plus of Peter Krause will make up for the minus of William Baldwin.

Hiro: Dude, Peter Krause was even hot as a corpse. I’m watching!

EdHill:oddly enough, the title is also the three most frequently used words in Daniel Baldwin’s arrest reports.

Big Shots
Airs: Thursday, 10 PM; Genre: Drama; Think: Dicks in the City. Premieres: 9/27

BERJnata: Just thank God this show isn’t on HBO. I never want to be in a situation where I have to see Chris Titus’ cock.

copygodd: Everything I hated about Sex in the City. With dudes.

brilliantmistake: The only consolation here is that guys might have to suffer for years the way women did with Sex in the City. Prepare yourself for the homicidal rage that comes with being asked if you are a “Brody” or a “Duncan.”

Hiro: You guys. It’s Sex AND the City. And I’m a “Stanford.”

Women’s Murder Club
Airs: Friday, 9 PM; Genre: Crime Drama; It’s pretty self-explanatory. Premieres: 10/12

sg-dub: How did this show get past the, “Whaaa? The title is whaaaa?!” stage?

copygodd: Do you join the club if you get murdered, or commit murder? ‘Cuz that makes a big difference.

EdHill: Takes place in Cabot Cove.

Returning

Dancing With the Stars
Airs: Performance Show – Monday, 8PM; Results Show – Tuesday, 9 PM; Genre:Reality; C-List Celebs hoof it up.Premieres: 9/24

sg-dub: No joke here except I hate God because he created Josie Maran and put her on this horrid show so now I have to watch at least parts of it.

BERJnata: I’ve avoided this show since the beginning, and now it’s Jennie Garth that is going to get me to tune in for the first time. I just didn’t see that coming…

copygodd: Dancing’s gay, mmmkay?

Hiro: If dancing’s gay, I don’t ever wanna be straight, brotha.

The Bachelor
Airs: Monday, 10 PM; Genre: Reality; Formerly self respecting women humiliate themselves to get a rose from a guy who owns a bar.Premieres: 9/24

EdHill: Which is odd since most bar owners just give out herpes.

sg-dub: Sponsored by Wild Irish Rose.

BERJnata: Do you think at any point the people at ABC just refer to this as “The Date Rape” show?

copygodd: If the producers want to reenergize the show, they should replace HostChristHarrison with Dateline’s Chris Hansen.

brilliantmistake: “Formerly self-respecting?” This show is the low self-esteem Olympics.

Boston Legal
Airs: Tuesday, 10 PM; Genre: Drama; Denny Crane and his band of merry men keep Boston safe from, well, no one. Premieres: 9/25

BERJnata: I. Just. Don’t. Get. It.

copygodd: Whither Denny Crane’s Falcon of Truth?

Ugly Betty
Airs: Thursday, 8 PM; Genre: Dramedy; Ugly is the new beautiful at high-end fashion magazine. Premieres: 9/27

EdHill: This season we find out how bad Betty’s orthodontist really is when we enter year 3 of her braces.

Grey’s Anatomy
Airs: Thursday, 9 PM; Genre: Drama; The depressing slut spiral that was season three is finally over! 9/27

EdHill: We need a new Mc! I recommend a Mcdouchey. Or perhaps a Mcguywholikestopeeonchicks.

sg-dub: This show is for fags.

copygodd: McDitto.

Hiro: If you drop the pink f-bomb one more time, I’m reaching right through this computer screen and taking you to diversity training.

20/20
Airs: Friday, 8 PM; Genre: Newsmag; Duh.

EdHill: Dateline has child predators, 20/20 has John Stossel. So in the end it’s kind of a draw.

Men in Trees
Airs: Friday, 10 PM; Genre: Dramedy; Everything is still better, prettier and better dressed in Alaska. Premieres: 10/12

BERJnata: I’m gonna feel really bad for that guy on this show who Anne Heche is dating in real life when she leaves him for a devilishly charming French Poodle.

Extreme Makover: Home Edition
Airs: Sunday, 8 PM; Genre: Reality; Ty & Co. continue to make the world a better place one dilapidated home at a time.Premieres: 9/30

BERJnata: Does anyone else feel like this show sort of over shoots it? I mean, they find a family of people with no arms and no legs and they build them a house with arms and legs. Great. But what about building a new house, for someone who didn’t get disfigured in a horrific car accident or lost there family in a freak horse stampede. How about building a house for someone who is just, you know, tired.

EdHill: i like it when they do trailers. Cuz the jokes on them since at the end of the show they are still living in a freaking trailer.

Desperate Housewives
Airs: Sunday, 9 PM; Genre: Comedy; More pratfalls, more bitchslaps, more mediocrity. Premieres: 9/30

sg-dub: Drop the “Housewives” part of the title and they’re all set.

BERJnata: On the upside, Dana Delany and Nathan Fillion are joining the cast this season. On the downside, they are joining the cast of Desperate Housewives.

copygodd: This is still on? Really?

Brothers & Sisters
Airs: Sunday, 10 PM; Genre: Drama; The Walker clan continue there run as the most functioning dysfunctional family on all of television.Premieres: 9/30

sg-dub: And I continue to not know of this show’s existence.

BERJnata: Rumor has it there will be an incest subplot this year between Rebecca and her half-brother Justin. Okay, that rumor just started here, but let’s see how far we can take it.

EdHill: Unless one of the brothers forces Calista Flockhart to the ground and farts in her face, the show will just not be beleivable.

America’s Funniest Home Videos
Airs: Sunday, 7 PM; Genre: Comedy/Reality; If you don’t know by now…

sg-dub: I still don’t get why so many American record men on ladders and playing wiffleball. Really, think about it next time you see this show. Think about why that person is taping in the first place. America is weird.

copygodd: This show would be so much better if it were Ow! My Balls! all the time.

EdHill: C’mon, show an accidental death already! It’s been 18 friggin years. I know you have them.

NEW

The Big Bang Theory
Airs: Monday, 8:30 PM; Genre: Comedy; Science nerds get mixed up with hot neighbor. Premieres: 9/24

sg-dub: I have a couple sciencey degrees and I never had a hot neighbor. This show will only piss me off.

brilliantmistake: See, it’s funny because they can’t get dates. And they can’t get dates because they are nerdy scientists, and there are no female nerdy scientists for them to date because, duh, chicks can’t do math. Or be funny. I have to go slit my wrists now.

Cane
Airs: Monday, 10 PM; Genre: Drama; Brothers and Sisters meets Ugly Betty meets Desperate Housewives meets Jimmy Smits. Premieres: 9/25

EdHill: Mmm. Gimmie more Jimmy.

sg-dub: I wonder what the braille on Smits’s face says?

brilliantmistake: I tried to come up with something about this show, then I read the following single sentence on the CBS Cane site. “When the family patriarch, Pancho, is offered a lucrative but questionable deal by his bitter adversaries, the Samuels, to purchase thousands of acres of sugar fields, he’s faced with a tough choice: Should he cash out of the sugar business and focus solely on rum, which would please his impulsive natural son, Frank, or protect the family legacy that he built from the ground up by not selling, and side with his adopted son, Alex, who mistrusts the Samuels and still sees value in sugar?” Then my head exploded. Try to diagram it, I dare you.

Kid Nation
Airs: Wednesday, 8 PM; Genre: Reality; Lord of the Flies – The Reality Show Version! Premieres: 9/19

EdHill: The leaked contract had the kids agree not to sue for sexually transmitted diseases, H.I.V. and pregnancy. How can you not want to watch that?

sg-dub: Whatever they do, I hope they don’t break the fat kid’s glasses.

BERJnata: I’m not a big reality TV guy, but any show where there is a chance that a child may die of Sepsis, is fine by me.

copygodd: 40 kids. No adults. Or as I like to call it, “Hell”.

brilliantmistake: Oh, please. HIV? Third Degree Burns? Cannibalism? In my day, we called that recess. Whiners.

Moonlight
Airs: Friday, 9 PM; Genre: Sci-Fi/Drama; Vampires Gone Wild! Premieres: 9/28

EdHill: Wait, Cybill Shepard is a vampire?

copygodd: I liked this show better when it was called Angel. Viva Spike!

brilliantmistake: I liked it better when it was called Forever Knight

Viva Laughlin
Airs: Sunday, 9 PM; Genre: Musical; Based on the British mini-series, singing, dancing, Vegas and MURDER! Premieres: 11/27

BERJnata: In case the fact that this show is a Musical didn’t make this the gayest show on television, Hugh Jackman as a producer/guest star, should pretty much seal the deal.

brilliantmistake: Is Hollywood still sticking with the “Hugh Jackman is straight” story? Yes? Just checking.

sg-dub: Wait. If John McLaughlin is gay, what about Morton Teeny Tiny Toons?

Returning

How I Met Your Mother
Airs: Monday, 8 PM; Genre: Comedy; The journey to find out just who the hell this GD “mother” is continues for a third season.Premieres: 9/24

BERJnata: Honestly, people, if you’re not watching this show, you are missing out on the third best comedy on television.

copygodd: Plus it has Willow and that dude from Harold and Kumar.

sg-dub: Is Hollywood still sticking with the “Doogie Howser is straight” story? No? Just checking.

Two and a Half Men
Airs: Monday, 9 PM; Genre: Comedy; The number one comedy (barf) on television goes on for some reason.Premieres: 9/24

BERJnata: The year that we learn about the buried childhood memory involving the fat kid, Uncle Charlie and those inappropriate sleepovers.

sg-dub: The number one comedy in America? The Donato’s as audience faves? The more I learn, the more Busto April was right – America sucks.

Rules of Engagement
Airs: Monday, 9:30 PM; Genre: Comedy; Did you know that married people and single people are different? If not, this show’s for you! Premieres: 9/24

sg-dub: Ugh. That’s all. Just “ugh.”

NCIS
Airs: Tuesday, 8 PM; Genre: Procedural Drama; Mark Harmon solves more military crimes. Premieres: 9/25

sg-dub: OH…

BERJnata: Mark Harmon finally got rid of that pesky show creator that he was butting heads with, which is probably why the third episode will be Summer School-inspired.

The Unit
Airs: Tuesday, 9 PM; Genre: Procedural Drama;
Noah from Felicity solves more military crimes.Premieres: 9/25

sg-dub: MY…

BERJnata:If Dennis Haysbert can’t sell me on Allstate, there’s no way he can sell me on this.

Criminal Minds
Airs: Wednesday, 9 PM; Genre: Procedural Drama; Grisly crimes are solved now with 100% more Joe Mantegna. Premieres: 9/26

sg-dub: GOD…

BERJnata: Ok, America, this is your chance to redeem yourselves. Without Inigo Montoya, there is really no reason why you should be watching this show anymore.

copygodd: There’s a good Fat Tony joke in here somewhere…

CSI: New York
Airs: Wednesday, 10 PM; Genre: Procedural Drama; If you don’t know by now…Premieres: 9/26

sg-dub: WITH…

BERJnata: Is being the least popular CSI kind of like being the least popular Baldwin brother?

CSI: Miami
Airs: Monday, 10 PM; Genre: Procedural Drama; The epic tale of David Caruso and his sunglasses sees yet another season.Premieres: 9/24

sg-dub: THESE…

BERJnata: Well, I don’t know but this one is definitely the William.

EdHill: I’ve quoted it before and I’ll quote it again; “In cases like these, the only one with jurisdiction, is the fire.”

Cold Case
Airs: Sunday, 9 PM; Genre: Procedural Drama; Hot blonde cop goes after murderers who think they’ll never get caught. Premieres: 9/23

sg-dub: MOTHER…

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Airs: Thursday, 9 PM; Genre:Procedural Drama; The original blacklight toting crimefighters are back. Premieres: 9/27

sg-dub: FUCKING…

brilliantmistake: This reminds me, I need to buy a blacklight to find all that semen I misplaced.

Without a Trace
Airs: Thursday, 10 PM; Genre: Procedural Drama; Jack Malone and his impossibly gorgeous crew of FBI agents are back on Thursdays at 10 PM. Premieres: 9/27

sg-dub: SHOWS.

BERJnata: I love that watching this show, you can’t tell if it’s a real show, or if you’ve accidentally flipped on Playboy.

Survivor: China
Airs: Thursday, 8 PM; Genre: Reality; The Godfather of reality competitions takes its game to China. Premieres: 9/20

EdHill: Contestants forced to eat Chinese Gluten.

sg-dub: I’m curious how the hundreds of thousands of Chinese (etc) who have survived Chinese oppression feel about the title of this show? Why not give a buck to a million starving Chinese people instead? Will they have to stay in present-day medieval Chinese torture jails?

Ghost Whisperer
Airs: Friday, 8 PM; Genre:Ghost Drama; Jennifer Love Hewitt communicates with ghosts through her enormous breasts.Premieres: 9/28

BERJnata:Think about it this way: the longer Jennifer Love Hewitt is occupied with this show, the longer she is out of our hair.

copygodd: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the only way I’m watching this show is if they change it to The Breast Whisperer.

brilliantmistake: This season, Jennifer Love Hewitt must explain to her singing career that it really, truly is dead and must go into the light.

sg-dub: I paid money to see a movie once with J.L.Hewitt in it, sat down, and watched EdHill walk in not 3 minutes later. Absolute true story.

Numb3rs
Airs: Friday, 10 PM; Genre: Math Drama; I’m pretty sure that on this show they solve crimes using…MATH! Premieres: 9/28

EdHill: On the season premeiere they fail to solve a case because no one carried the nine.

60 Minutes
Airs: Sunday, 7 PM; Genre: Newsmag; The news one tick tick tick at a time.

sg-dub: May the stopwatch not interfere with the pacemakers.

EdHill:At this point is there anything left for Andy Rooney to be pissed about? You made it to 90. Relax for christs sake. Have a drink.

Shark
Airs: Sunday, 10 PM; Genre: Drama; James Woods is an asshole lawyer for the second season.

copygodd: I like how James Woods is really stretching himself as an actor these days.

sg-dub: I thought this shit was on The Discovery Channel

NEW

Journeyman
Airs: Monday, 10 PM; Genre: Sci-Fi/Drama; Quantum Leap with the guy from Rome and without the laughs.

sg-dub: “Don’t Stop! Be-lie-vin’!”

brilliantmistake: Too bad he won’t find any use for that gladiator outfit in San Francisco.

Chuck
Airs: Tuesday, 9 PM; Genre: Dramedy; Computer Nerd gets his brain downloaded with state secrets. Hilarity ensues.

EdHill: All his buddies in hos WoW guild are very impressed.

sg-dub: Hmmm, this is the 3rd show on this list making fun of us nerds. I say revolt! Let’s totally Error 404 ‘em!

Bionic Woman
Airs: Wednesday, 9 PM; Genre: Sci-Fi/Drama; The Jamie Summers of the new millenium gets an upgrade to an unwitting robo-Sydney Bristow.

brilliantmistake: Jamie will spend half her time saving the world and the other explaining to other amputees why they can’t have the same technology. “Sorry, war veteran guy…it’s, like, super secret….ultra-double-classified…or something…gotta run!”

sg-dub: I remember wondering, as a pubescent boy, if I could handle a bionic woman in bed.

Life
Airs: Wednesday, 10 PM; Genre: Drama; After spending years in prison for a crime he didn’t commit a former cop heads back to the force.

brilliantmistake: I don’t get it. Doesn’t he need to be a vampire, or immortal, or time travel, or get help from the angel of death? I thought all cop shows had to have a supernatural twist this season. He became a werewolf in jail, right? I knew it.

EdHill: The original title was “Cop Who Loves Ass Rapin’ ”

Returning

Poker After Dark
Airs: Mondays; Genre: Game Show(?); bringing viewers the very best in 6-handed action with a new episode entitled Bracelets Week. Only 17 players in history have won 5 or more World Series bracelets, and only 14 are still alive. This week, 6 of these poker superstars who have won a combined 44 World Series bracelets battle it out for the $120,000 winner-take-all prize in a match that makes for must-see television.

sg-dub: God, What job do ya have to be fired from to end up working on this crap?

Deal or No Deal
Airs: Monday, 8 PM, Wednesday, 8 PM & Friday, 8 PM; Genre: Game Show; Howie Mandel hosts another season of the game show without touching a single person.

sg-dub: Is this show interesting on any level?

Heroes
Airs: Monday, 9PM; Genre: Sci-Fi/Drama; The motley crew of Heroes have Saved both the world and the cheerleader. Now what?

copygodd: Fortunately Hiro’s virginity is still safe.

sg-dub: Not our Hiro! How else do ya think she got the job here?

Hiro: Yeah… about that… um, when does my health insurance kick in? There’s something wrong. With my vagina.

The Biggest Loser
Airs: Tuesday, 8 PM; Genre: Reality; Caroline Rhea gets subbed out for Days of Our Lives star Allison Sweeney as host of the low-carb fest.

copygodd: Jillian is back!

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Airs: Tuesday, 10 PM; Genre: Procedural Drama; The best L&O on TV continues.

My Name is Earl
Airs: Thursday, 8 PM; Genre: Comedy; Earl’s spreading his Karma-love all over his new digs: Prison.

30 Rock
Airs: Thursday, 8:30 PM; Genre: Comedy; Funniest comedy on television returns with or without Alec Baldwin and his delgihtful rage.

EdHill: Funniest show on TV. Bar none.

Hiro: Tina Fey’s cleavage is the real star of the show. Hey, I’m not complaining.

The Office
Airs: Thursday, 9 PM; Genre: Comedy; Jim and Pam went on a date, Janet moved in with Michael and Ryan the temp is the new boss. Comic gold.

EdHill: 30, count em, 30 new episodes this season of both Jim and Pam flirting at work and then going home alone to masturbate.

Hiro: Kelly Kapur makes the show. Watch a YouTube tribute to her here.

Scrubs
Airs: Thursday, 9:30 PM; Genre: Comedy; The last season of the hospital comedy kicks off, hopefully with an Reid/Dudemeister wedding.

copygodd: Zach Braff must die. Seriously.

Hiro: I hear the janitor gets a girlfriend this season. I hope he shows her his stuffed squirrel menagerie! And no, that isn’t a euphemism.

ER
Airs: Thursday, 10 PM; strong>Genre: Drama; The hospital drama returns for the 203,993th season.

EdHill: At this point they are treating the same patients again simply because there’s no one new left in Chicago for them to look at.

Hiro: I’ve had a crush on Uncle Jesse since I was 10.

Las Vegas
Airs: Friday, 9 PM; Genre: Drama; The Vegas-set guilty pleasure returns with less Caan and Cox but all the Selleck you can shake a stick at.

sg-dub: Las Veegaaaas, Las Veegaaaas. Jennifer Hallowaaaaay, Jennifer Hallowaaaaay.

EdHill: They need more fat ladies in sweatpants on slot machines. It’s all about versimillitude.

Friday Night Lights
Airs: Friday, 10 PM; Genre: Awesome; The Dillon Panthers take on another year of brilliance on and off the football field.

EdHill: Lyla Garrity is still a WHORE!

brilliantmistake: This show brings out my inner Woody Allen, as I simultaneously want to adopt and make out with Matt Saracen.

Sunday Night Football
Airs: Sunday: 8 PM; Genre: Sports; ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOOOTBALL!?!?!

sg-dub: Lyla Garrity is still a WHORE! Oh… wait. Nevermind.

Hiro: I love watching football. The sweat; the heavy breathing; the shiny, skin-tight pants; the man-on-man “tackling;” the furries dancing around on the sidelines — it’s like someone made all my fetishes a reality.

NEW

K-Ville
Airs: Monday, 9 PM; Genre: Drama; Cole Hauser and Anthony Anderson are cops in a post-Katrina New Orleans.

copygodd: The feel-good show of the season!

brilliantmistake: I thought Sean Penn fixed everything in New Orleans.

Hiro: George Bush doesn’t care about black people.

Back to You
Airs: Wednesday, 8 PM; Genre: Comedy; Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton return to TV as two newsanchors who, get this, can’t stand each other!

EdHill: Nothing like watching a romance between people in their 50′s.

copygodd: Viva Viagra!

Hiro: Patricia Heaton must die.

Kitchen Nightmares
Airs: Wednesday, 9 PM; Genre: Reality; Hell’s Kitchen’s Gordon Ramsay takes his sadism show on the road, helping restaurants that are in trouble.

EdHill: The only thing missing from the original British version will be the indecipherable welsh accents.

copygodd: And the inedible British food.

brilliantmistake: But we may get a whiff of singed ball-sack hair. Bon Appetit!

American Band
Airs: Friday, 8 PM; Genre: Reality; The creators of American Idol take on the good, the bad and the ugly of amateur bands.

EdHill: Because 1,452 hours of American Idol a year just isn’t enough.

copygodd: Didn’t Daughtry already win this?

Nashville
Airs: Friday, 9 PM; Genre: Reality; Countrified American Idol, with more focus on the lives of the wannabes than the singing.

Hiro: If I were recapping this, I’d use up all my “white people” material in the first episode.

EdHill: But we dance so funny!
Returning

Prison Break
Airs: Monday, 8 PM; Genre: Drama; Michael is now the jailbird with his brother Lincoln the one trying to create a masterplan in Panama.

EdHill: At this rate by season 4 they will be breaking out of the prison known as…. EARTH!

copygodd: This season the prison has no guards. And the show has no writers.

brilliantmistake: Luckily, Scofield has a Spanish-English dictionary tattooed on his thigh. He thought of everything! “No lastimar por favor mi anus. Gracias”

Bones
Airs: Tuesday, 8 PM; Genre: Procedural Drama; Bones and Brenan continue to be the most sexually frustrated couple on television.

copygodd: Next to Back to You’s Chuck Darling and Kelly Carr, of course.

brilliantmistake: Jebus, Angel, you managed to score faster with Buffy, and that was a soul-losing-statutory-rape-spend-a-thousand-years-in-hell type thing. I’m sure the only risk with Temperance is HPV and having to listen to her talk.

House
Airs: Tuesday, 9 PM; Genre: Drama; House gets new interns after last year’s across the board axing.

brilliantmistake: The twist this season? Every case is lupus.

‘Til Death
Airs: Wednesday, 8:30 PM; Genre: Comedy; Married… with Children, but way less funny.

copygodd: I got a fever. And the only prescription is more Faustino!

Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?
Airs: Thursday, 8 PM; Genre: Game Show; Another season of the game show that proves we all peak at 11 years old.

EdHill: Not if their Asian!

Don’t Forget the Lyrics!
Airs: Thursday, 9 PM; Genre: Game Show; Karaoke minus the booze and plus the Joey Fatone.

EdHill: I need to move to L.A. and come up with retarded reality show ideas.

The Simpsons
Airs: Sunday, 8 PM; Genre: Comedy; Hopefully, reinvigorated by their big screen adventures, we head back to Springfield for am 18th season.

Hiro: My cat’s breath smells like… cat food.

King of the Hill
Airs: Sunday, 8:30 PM; Genre: Comedy; The underappreciated animated gem has more fun down south.

copygodd: I’m all for more fun down south.

Family Guy
Airs: Sunday, 9 PM; Genre: Comedy; The Griffin clan continues to try way too hard to offend.

copygodd: This show is nothing but a string of unrelated throwaway jokes, tied together by the loosest of plots. Much like my recaps.

sg-dub: … Written by manatees.

American Dad
Airs: Sunday, 9:30 Pm; Genre: Comedy; More hijinks from the redheaded stepchild of the Griffins.

copygodd: American Crap.

NEW

Aliens in America
Airs: Monday, 8:30 PM; Genre: Comedy; Foreign exchange student from the middle east has to get acclimated to the suburbs and vice versa.

copygodd: Can’t wait till the very special torture episode.

brilliantmistake: In truth, he’s not a foreign exchange student, he just got stuck on a “do not fly “ list while changing planes in Wisconsin and decided to roll with it. Dude is actually 26.

EdHill: Git ‘er done!

Reaper
Airs: Tuesday, 9 PM; Genre: Drama; Twentysomething finds out that his parents sold his soul to the devil, and thus becomes a bounty hunter for the big red guy.

sg-dub: Shut up… Really?!

brilliantmistake: Lindsay Lohan’s parents sold her soul to the devil and all she got was drug addiction…and incredibly wealthy. Damn, Mom and Dad, why couldn’t you sell my soul? But nooo, you were all “stay in school” and “don’t sleep with Wilmer Valderamma.” Thanks a lot. Oh, and someone should tell the protagonist his girlfriend is Evil Candice from Heroes. Don’t trust her!

Gossip Girl
Airs: Wednesday, 9 PM; Genre: Drama; The lifestyles of the rich, young and beautiful narrated by Veronica Mars herself.

Life is Wild
Airs: Sunday, 8 PM; Genre: Drama; 7th Heaven in Africa.

Returning

Everybody Hates Chris
Airs: Monday, 8 PM; Genre: Comedy; Everbody Still hates the kid.

Girlfriends
Airs: Monday, 9 PM; Genre: Comedy; Chances are if you care, you already know…

The Game
Airs: Monday, 9:30 PM; Genre: Comedy; Second season of the football wives comedy.

brilliantmistake: This show has negative Nielsen ratings, yet it stays while Veronica Mars cancelled. It is that special Tia Mowry magic? Did she sell Tamera to keep it on the air?

Beauty and the Geek
Airs: Tuesday, 8 PM; Genre: Reality; The sweetest reality show on television returns with one male beauty and one female geek thrown in the mix.

EdHill: Yet there is always a large percentage of both groups taht are neither geek nor beauty.

America’s Next Top Model
Airs: Wednesday, 8 PM; Genre: Reality; Tyra continues to whip the next generation of Gisele’s into shape.

EdHill: I always root for the ugly one. And most of the time they end up winning (Seriously, I swear last seasons winner was a dude). But more importantly, does this season come with Vaseline?

brilliantmistake: WoooHooo! Tyra Baldwatch commences.

Hiro: Tyra taught me to “speak with my eyes,” and that you can’t hide a 20 lb weight gain by cinching everything with a belt.

Smallville
Airs: Thursday, 8 PM; Genre: Sci-Fi/Drama; Superman: The Early Years continues with or without Lana and Chloe.

EdHill: I always really liked this show but it’s running out of steam. It’s been 6 years for god’s sake. Put on the goddamned costume! Still, they’ve always brought me back by upping the hottie quotient.

Supernatural
Airs: Thursday, 9 PM; Genre: Sci-Fi/Drama; Dean & Sam try to vanquish the world’s demons, absent one soul and with two new hotties.

brilliantmistake: Exec Producer McG may be shallow and untalented, but, bless his heart, at least he’s an equal opportunity exploiter. The same man who brought us Charlie’s Angels and the Pussycat Dolls has also brought me such fine mancandy shows as Fastlane and Supernatural. So really, I’m only complaining about the untalented part, McG, I’m just fine with the shallow. Now go write more scenes where Jensen Ackles has to take off his shirt.

WWE Smackdown
Airs: Friday, 8 PM; Genre: Sports; The Smackdown continues!

EdHill: I predict the shows ratings increase this year due to the popularity of the new “guess which one is the next to die msyteriously” home game.

copygodd: Chris Benoit totally killed my WWE fantasy team.

MSR Staff | 09.17.07 | Filed in Misc