Making the Band: Aubrey’s Coming Out Party
As the show opens we see Diddy telling us that he is separating up the girls so they are in direct competition. Groups one consists of Aubrey, Denosh, Melissa Jasmine and Kelly. Group two is Andrea, Juanita, Shannon, Dawn, Dominique and Taquita. Each girl is a direct competitor to one in the other group. Aubrey and Shannon are direct competition. Denosh and Taquita are direct competition. Get it? There is a method to Diddy’s madness.
With the Miami trip now behind them its time for the girls to head back to the loft in SoHo. Camp Abu Diddy as I have christened it because Diddy stripped it bare so he could… I don’t know make them sing better or something? Anyways, as the girls walk in the door they realize that the place is back to its super luxurious Making the Band 3 Season One coolness. If the loft was a ride it would have just been pimped. Now I need to pass on a warning to those of you reading this that have not yet watched the episode. Severe screaming girl alert. You know what its like when a reality show contestant is given a prize? That’s right, the collective sound of 11 girls screaming comes blaring through my speakers. And not just one scream. A veritable crescendo of screams that increase in volume throughout every room they go through. Yes girls, it’s a couch. Its a very nice couch. Let us celebrate this by blowing out someone’s eardrums. And dancing in place. Don’t forget the dancing in place!
But that’s not all. On a table is a message from Diddy. What is a message from Diddy like? It’s kinda like Tyra mail only with more of a hip hop feel to it. It seems the girls now have a rooftop deck to relax on. And… more screams! Dance in a circle! Flail you’re arms about!
There is no rest for the weary as next we see the girls practicing on the two songs that they have been given to open the show with. And these aren’t just any songs, Diddy tells us. He’s bringing in the best he’s got. The group he calls “the Hitmen” to come up with songs for the girls. So when you’re wondering late at night who came up with the idea of Diddy saying “Yeah… Yeah..” over the tracks to other peoples songs, here is your answer. Group one with Aubrey, Denosh, Melissa, Jasmine and Kelly are given a song about a “girl who’s in love with her man” says Melissa. Over in group two, their song is “about dancing in the club with a guy and how much he wants to dance with you, be around you. And just touch your body.” say’s Dominique. Amazing. It took at least two people to write that song. It probably went a little something like this;
McCartney: So the song has to more than just dancing in a club with a guy.
Lennon: How about if we have a few lines about how much the guy wants to like, ummm, I don’t know, how much he wants to dance with you?
McCartney: Brilliant! And then we can talk about how much he wants to like, be around you and touch your body and stuff.
Lennon: That’s it!! This is the greatest song ever!
McCartney: What else have we got?
Lennon: Well I was thinking next we can do a song about a guy whose, like, trapped in a closet and stuff. But we can make it into this really long pretentious 12 part song.
McCartney: That’s good. That’s real good. But its missing something.
Lennon: We could have the guy singing it be into peeing on chicks?
McCartney: But Bing Crosby died like 30 years ago.
Lennon: No, not him. someone else. Like maybe R. Kelly!
McCartney: That’s it! My god we are the best songwriting team ever!
Things aren’t going that well during rehearsals for group two. It seems that since they have one extra member one of them will not be given as much of a singing part as the rest of them. And that person is Taquita. When it comes time to hand out verses, she gets “Oh yeah” and that’s it. This won’t stop Taquita however as later on when they are practicing in the loft she decides to sing backup in her “full voice” and not her falsetto. This pisses off the rest of the group since it screws up the whole song. Aundrea shoots her down pretty quickly and tells her that she needs to keep doing the falsetto.
But that is nothing compared to group one. Since Denosh sang backup once on a Faith Evans song and what not, she seems to think that she is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Since Denosh is so perfect, she is getting impatient with the rest of the group and has decided to “step up” and give the girls “advice”. Which translates to: the girl turns into a straight up beeyatch.
Denosh starts ordering everyone around in practice. Do it this way, smile that way. She even cuts off Aubrey when she makes a suggestion. And nobody, but nobody cuts off my Aubrey.
Then its dance practice. And it’s the triumphant return of the boom cats! They have been sorely missed. During dance practice the girls are trying to mix both the singing and the choreography. Denosh being Denosh, she even starts ordering around Aubrey during dance practice. And trust me, you do NOT want to do that. The art of Dance is Aubreys domain. I don’t see Aubrey giving Denosh advice on places to tuck her penis away, so Denosh better not mess with Aubrey when she’s doing her thing.
Laurie Ann is starting to pick up on Denosh’s attitude. It’s hard to miss. It’s about as prominent as her adams apple. Instead of confronting her, Laurie Ann simply asks Aubrey “You don’t really like this group do you? This is not your five is it?”. And Aubrey nods no. With that we cut right to Denosh. Message received.
I love it when she glistens!
Over in the other group we have the anti Denosh Taquita. Instead of bossing everyone around, Taquita actually is losing focus and getting bored. It seems Tawuita has a bit of a nasty streak in her. When Laurie Ann catches her in a yawn she unloads on her. But that’s not all. Taquita screws up pretty much everything she does and Laurie Ann is on her ass every time. This culminates in Laurie Ann screaming “What time is it!” at the top of her lungs. I’m not sure what that means but from the tone I think its safe to say she knew what time it was, and it was more of a rhetorical question.
Boom! Boom! Cat!
Later when Taquita is out to dinner and feeling the pressure. She’s upset because she doesn’t want to let her family down. It seems they are counting on her for more than just reasons of family pride. “I got my whole family, mommas and daddies and brothers and sisters. They’re saying “Taquita you could make money, you could take care of everyone'” Well, at least now we know the whole laziness thing runs in her family.
The next day Aubrey gets a phone call from Jessica from MTV press. It seems Blender magazine wants to do a photo shoot with her and get an interview as well. The best part about the phone call is once everyone sees she got the photo shoot we get a quick shot of a pissed of Denosh. Sorry Denosh, this is for Blender magazine, not Trannies Monthly. Although to be fair, Trannies Monthly does have some great articles. What happens next is the best 2 minutes of the season so far. Aubrey trying on different outfits, Aubrey sticking her ass in the camera, Aubrey picking a wedgie, and, god bless us all, a topless Aubrey holding her boob. I have died and entered heaven.
Back at the loft, Denosh is just getting worse. She has now taken it on herself to call meetings to chew everyone out for what she sees as a sub par performance. The girls are about to lose it completely with her. I say grab some popcorn.
Taquita is calling Holly, a former evicted person for help. And what better way to help your way through the competition than by calling someone who already got eliminated from said competition? She says it’s helping her mold herself into having more discipline. Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
In the car Denosh is continuing her bullying ways as they practice singing. “Are you guys watching me? Do it again and be consistent” she barks. Finally the girls have had it and try to say something to her. But they do it in this pissy passive aggressive way that keeps it from getting really good. The best they can come up with is “Someone needs to change their tone because we cant take anything that feels like attitude.” But even something as soft as that is enough to get Denosh all pissed off. “I’m not bullshitting right now, and there a lot of bullshit going on.” She says. From here the entire argument devolves into a lot of “can I finish? Can I finish?”. It’s alike a bad episode of Crossfire. So I guess that would make Denosh Robert Novak. Yeah, that works.
Once at the rehearsal you can tell right away Denosh attitude is having a negative effect on the group. Everyone is messing up their dance moves and its pissing off Laurie Ann to no end. This episodes theme is just lots of pissed off girls. If it wasn’t for a glimpse of Aubrey’s side boob earlier I would’ve said it’s the worst so far. And it gets even worse, as there is no appearance by Diddy. That’s right, no one gets cut. The episode just leaves off with Denosh telling Laurie Ann after another botched dance routine that she will work on the girls later and they should just move on.
Well if there is one thing you don’t do its step on Laurie Ann’s lines. She is the one who is supposed to castigate the girls and scream at them. “I don’t like ego. To be ego and to be jealous. These things are negative for a reason.” Laurie Ann tells them. And remember this woman works for Diddy.
And with that the episode comes to an abrupt end. But fear not, as next week we see the girls in their stage outfits. Booty shorts and gold bras. I am so there.