Project Runway: Shoulderpads of Doom
The show opens with the usual morning after elimination kibitzing. Carmen is gone, woe is me, move on. On the runway the ever perky Heidi brings out the winning and losing models (And oh how I love watching her say the word “losing” in her weird German/American hybrid accent). Since Jack won the last time he has the chance to keep his model or choose another one. He goes with another one and picks Ricky’s model. Ricky reacts by telling us that seeing Jack take advantage of the rules of the game and the opportunity that winning gave him, this just shows Jack’s “true colors”. Which means it just shows Ricky’s true colors. Which are bitch blue and whiny red.
Heidi then tells them to meet Tim in the workroom upstairs where there will be a friendly face and some “old friends”. OK, is it me or is everyone tired of the deliberately misleading teases Heidi gives out so we can listen to the designer’s freaky guesses, and then it turns out to be nothing? I mean when Tim told everyone its time for a “special guest” only to then be treated with…. Tiki Barbers wife! That to me was the last straw.
When they get upstairs they see their shocking surprise! It’s… Nina Garcia! OK, fair enough, she’s definitely old, but what else is there. OHMIGOD! Card board cutouts! In fact she is accompanied by a series of pictures of “out” fashion trends which are the “old friends” to which Heidi spoke of. Oh Heidi and her trickery! Some of the “out” trends are Overalls (here that farmers? You are officially L-A-M-E!), pleather (but NOT leather, which is still cool I guess), shoulder pads, underwear as outerwear, poodle skirt, fringe, 70’s flare, baggy sweaters, dance outfits anything over a size 2, and so on. Tim tells them they will all be working in teams of 3 that will incorporate all 3 looks in everyone’s piece.
Once they all get their picks they break up into teams and elect their team leaders. Sweet P, Steven and Chris team up and pick Chris as their leader. Kit works with Christian and Jack electing Jack as their leader. Kevin, Rami and Jillian form a team with Kevin leading the way and Elisa, Victorya and Ricky team up with Ricky volunteering as the leader. They have an hour to sketch and then it’s off to Mood.
Once Ricky is chosen as the leader of their group, Victorya then takes control. Like Alf from the eighties, bossy Asians are in on reality shows these days. And Ricky’s crying/bitchy attitude does not bode well for the team. It does bode well for the viewer at home however.
At Mood, which must have some sort of arrangement with Bravo that they have to say the words “Mood” at least 3 times an episode, we get the usual frantic looks and fabric flying.
I love how this random woman was nonchalantly making sure she was in the center of frame to make sure she got on Project Runway. Well played, random broad with the ill fitting clothes. Well played.
Once they get back to Parsons they get right to work. Chris gets to work on his idea which is, sadly, totally reminiscent of his normal work which is, how you say, not subtle. Meaning it’s over the top costumy stuff. In Chris’s mind however, he thinks he is really moving past his usual work and making some great stuff. Ricky is a former dancer and because of that he has learned how to speak “Elisa” meaning its all about finding your center and debating the best way to eat one’s own poop.
Kevin, Rami and Jillian are having issues. Namely Kevin is working on a complicated pattern and it doesn’t look like he is doing it right. He’s making a high waisted pair of shorts but he’s working really slow. This causes Jillian to get a pinch in her overalls.
The next morning everyone gets right back to work. Steven does his weak ass Tim Gunn impression that just makes you long for the days of Santino. Victorya tells us how she doesn’t like to be a bossy cow interspersed with clips of her being said bossy cow. She goes up to Ricky and criticizes his outfit saying it look too much like lingerie. Ricky doesn’t take criticism well, deciding that the best response is to not say anything to her and then wait until the diary room interview and then bitch loudly. Of course, to be honest, I kind of like Victorya. She’s a strong, opinionated designer and Ricky just comes off as a whiny baby.
Tim then comes in and brings in the models. Kevin is still having a big problem with his dress since he got the measurements of his model wrong. Sweet P doesn’t like Steve’s outfit because it’s not cohesive. She tells everyone this by saying its “bumming her eye out”.
Kevin meanwhile is having even more issues as his shorts aren’t fitting the model correctly. Goddamned fat ass size 1 models. Put the forks down, fatties! Victorya is having problems of her own as she decides that her outfit is “blaringly awful” and decides to revamp it totally with only a day to go. But Victorya didn’t “ask” Ricky what he thought about it first so he once again goes into one of his little fits. He then stands behind her and starts to tell her what about her outfit he doesn’t like. This annoys him because he thinks he is not getting the proper respect as team leader.
Later Tim shows up to look things over. He starts with Jillian, Kevin and Rami. He has no problem with it and moves onto Sweet P, Chris and Steven. He ahs the same reaction as Sweet P, but since Tim is erudite and classy, he doesn’t say that it is “bumming his eye out”. Tim doesn’t talk like that. He says things like “caucus” and “zaftig”. After some more Jillian wears overalls jokes, Tim bid’s them adieu with a make it work and moves on to Ricky’s team.
He is concerned with “team Ricky”. He doesn’t think it is refined or finished. He does pick up on the fact that Victorya has pretty much taken over the decision making process, while Ricky just pouts in the corner as usual. Then we get a really, really bad Trump like voiceover from Tim where he once again comments about “Cohesion”. This bothers me. Especially since it was entirely unnecessary since he already said essentially the same thing.
After Tim leave Ricky tells her that she should just not fight and “go with it” when it comes to designs. Victorya stands strong and says that that’s BS, she won’t send anything down the runway that she doesn’t believe in. You go sister. Then she tells Ricky straight out that she is wondering why Ricky wanted to be team leader. Ricky then offers for her to take it. Victorya says she didn’t want it but she did expect who did to step up and lead, which Ricky hasn’t done. Ricky reacts by walking away and then bitching in his diary room interview about how passive aggressive she is.
The next morning Ricky continues to complain about Victorya, since she decided to redo her outfit and is now behind. Kevin tells us that he has to pull a “magic rabbit out of my ass” to finish in time. Wow, a shit covered magic rabbit. That’s just something you don’t see every day. At least I don’t. Well, a magic shit covered rabbit that is. Tim then shows up and it’s off to the hair salon! One that’s done its time for the runway show. But not before we here Christian do his usual “my stuff is awesome and everyone else’s outfit is trash” shtick. He does this every episode. To me, Christian is trying way too hard to be the “bitchy gay guy” of the season. The only problem is no one cares. So now we finally know the answer to the question “if a gay guy acts bitchy while alone in the woods, does anyone hear him?
On the runway we see who our guest judge is. It’s Donna Karan sporting the hottest new fashion accessory of 2008, a distortedly taut face from too many face lifts. When the show starts the first team up is Jillain’s. It’s all very clean looking.Next up is team Chris. We hear Steven worry about how he thinks it is too fragmented. After that it is Team Christain, and he of course thinks its the greatest thing anyone has ever seen. Then we have Team Rictorya. They all sound happy with their selections.
After the show is over Heidi announces the winner right away. It’s Jillian. They thought it was cohesive and clean. After that Heidi tells Christian that they are safe and they can leave the runway. Which is funny because so far Christian flaps his gums about how he is the greatest designer out there yet he has yet to win anything.
This leaves us with Team Ricktorya and Team Chris. They start with team Chris. The judges see no cohesion in t 3 pieces. Donna Karan doesn’t see the “liquidity” of one the pieces, while I myself cannot feel its ubiquity.
With Ricky the judges like the concept but don’t like the construction. Victorya volunteers not only telling everyone that it was Ricky who told her to change the silhouette (which the judges love) but says that Ricky took time out to help her and that’s why his construction suffered. When they ask her how he was as leader she says that she had a big part in the first two outfits and Ricky responds by saying “she has no respect for me”. Then he continues to pout in the corner.
Enough is enough and the judges then decide who gets the boot. It’s Chris. Jolly man goes down. Tim has him clean up his sapce and he’s off into the great gay designer sunset…. Or is he????