As-Salaam-Alaikum, Sandra Leesteinberg
So I was going to do one of my brilliantly crafty Sandra Lee-caps like this blast from the past but when I set about to grab some screen shots, I came to the conclusion that I a) really had nothing high-minded to say and b) I didn’t really have to say anything high-minded. Her oozing absurdity speaks for itself. Or, at least the pictures do. I swear she’s just fucking with us on purpose. Every single ingredient and my description is accurate. No shit.
Ah! Where are her eyes and teeth? What’s with the wicked bias cut? Let’s get “cookin’!”
Mmmm, everyone loves delicious meatballs! Crafted simply by hand in kitchens from Rome, Italy to…
… Rome, New York’s Frozen Ball Meat Factory.
Speaking of balls, here are her date balls. My balls have gotten me plenty of dates. Just sayin’.
Her glee over the booze speaks volumes
1. I enjoy her rubber band bracelet.
WTF is that?! Gee Sandra, that looks fun to drink, you moron.
Is that tree adorned with what I think it’s adorned with?
Oh my Rob, yes. Sandra’s ode to booze; a tree with all her various cocktail glasses strewn about it. So weird.
Moving on… Everyone loves holiday cake! Sandra, the whitest WASPiest woman on earth is making a Hanukkah and a Kwanzaa cake! Yum!
Some delicious frosting from the can…
Some delicious blue food coloring…
Some marshmallows (marshmallows?!) in the center…
Some blue frosting globbed on…
Give your Jew cake a pearl necklace for some reason, and you’re all done! Mazel Tov! Now let’s celebrate Kwanzaa!
Kwanzaa kakes are apparently also Sam’s Club Angel Food cakes with apple pie filling shoved in the middle instead of marshmallows.
With the same crappy icing
This part was kinda hot
Lastly, don’t forget the pumpkin seeds and acorns on your Kwanzaa Kake!
I have no jokes here, I told you that. I’m at a loss.
sg-dub | 01.02.08 | Filed in Food Network