As-Salaam-Alaikum, Sandra Leesteinberg

So I was going to do one of my brilliantly crafty Sandra Lee-caps like this blast from the past but when I set about to grab some screen shots, I came to the conclusion that I a) really had nothing high-minded to say and b) I didn’t really have to say anything high-minded. Her oozing absurdity speaks for itself. Or, at least the pictures do. I swear she’s just fucking with us on purpose. Every single ingredient and my description is accurate. No shit.

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Ah! Where are her eyes and teeth? What’s with the wicked bias cut? Let’s get “cookin’!”

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Mmmm, everyone loves delicious meatballs! Crafted simply by hand in kitchens from Rome, Italy to…

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… Rome, New York’s Frozen Ball Meat Factory.

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Speaking of balls, here are her date balls. My balls have gotten me plenty of dates. Just sayin’.

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Her glee over the booze speaks volumes

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1. I enjoy her rubber band bracelet.
2. Debatable

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WTF is that?! Gee Sandra, that looks fun to drink, you moron.

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Is that tree adorned with what I think it’s adorned with?

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Oh my Rob, yes. Sandra’s ode to booze; a tree with all her various cocktail glasses strewn about it. So weird.

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Moving on… Everyone loves holiday cake! Sandra, the whitest WASPiest woman on earth is making a Hanukkah and a Kwanzaa cake! Yum!

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Um? Really?

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Yes. Really.

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Some delicious frosting from the can…

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Some delicious blue food coloring…

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Some marshmallows (marshmallows?!) in the center…

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Some blue frosting globbed on…

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Give your Jew cake a pearl necklace for some reason, and you’re all done! Mazel Tov! Now let’s celebrate Kwanzaa!

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Kwanzaa kakes are apparently also Sam’s Club Angel Food cakes with apple pie filling shoved in the middle instead of marshmallows.

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With the same crappy icing

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This part was kinda hot

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Lastly, don’t forget the pumpkin seeds and acorns on your Kwanzaa Kake!

I have no jokes here, I told you that. I’m at a loss.

sg-dub | 01.02.08 | Filed in Food Network

 
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