First, the bad news: red lasso has been shut down by the iron fist of network lawyers. This means no more clips of the dances, at least for now. I’d be happy to link to the videos on Fox’s site, except whoops! There aren’t any. Fox is the internet equivalent of Ralph Wiggums.

The good news is there’s a recap! Yay! Um, okay you get that every week (almost). And I managed to clip Twitch and Katee’s contemporary number before the hammer came down.

Cat’s dressed very demurely tonight in a simple black dress with small solar panels installed at the neckline. Except, whoa, it’s completely backless. I suspect it’s one of the dresses from the Victoria’s Secret catalogue that I didn’t think anyone actually bought.

OMG! Toni Basil! Cat asks her what she’s been doing since her big hit “Mickey” in 1982, over a decade before most of the studio audience was even born (and when Toni herself was 39). Toni answers that she’s been working with Bette Midler, and on slowly turning herself into Carmen Miranda. It seems they’ve broadened the judging pool a lot now that the judges have no say. I expect Peer Pressure to guest judge next week.

Courtney and Will: Samba

The partners and dances are drawn at random again. Courtney draws Will and the samba for their first dance. Choreographer Jean-marc has become increasingly deranged over the course of the season. He blames it on being French (Canadian); I blame it one wanting to be the french Bruno Tonioli.

The dance is entertaining. I feel like I enjoyed more than I should for some reason, much as I have enjoyed Living Lohan more than I should. Wrong, but somehow fun.  Will’s gotten all modest and worn a mesh tee. while Courtney is dressed up as Big Bird’s sluttier sister. That’s not easy, Big Bird’s kind of a whore. Jean Marc had declared in rehearsal that he needed to loosen Will up. Watching him dance I can see how that could be true. Whatever crazy magic he and Zombie Lola tried, it worked.

Nigel felt the dance was best when they weren’t thinking too much about technique. Then he randomly compares the show to The 300, because the men have great abs and get cast into the pit of death occasionally.

Mary looks like she hopped off the bus from Margaritaville. She has a painful bit about being punked by Ashton because she sees two samba dancers instead of two contemporary dancers. That’s not Ashton Kutcher, Mary, it’s Jose Cuervo at work. He’s more talented than Ashton anyway. She says the technique was so-so, except for something Courtney refers to as the “baklava.” Mmmmmm, baklava. Can’t go wrong with that. Toni liked it so much she forgot to take notes.

Twitch and Katee: Contemporary

Twitch and Katee are paired up and confess they knew each other before, but don’t say from where. Dammit show! You always leave out the interesting stuff for boring tidbits about people’s shopping or flower picking.

I am excited they will be dancing together and also because Mia Micheals will choreograph them in contemporary. Mia’s going all in this time, going from your typical angst ridden love-gone-wrong contemporary dance to full-on-psycho ex-girlfriend territory. Not that Mia knows anything about that.

 

“So then the door bangs open and I, oops, I mean, she, starts kicking and screaming until the cops come and haul me, whoops, her, off. I mean, who breaks up with someone for wearing a bandana with a beret?”

The dance uses a big door in the center of the stage. Katee and Joshua spend a long time staring at each other, before planting a big kiss on each other. Then the dance takes off at a million miles an hour. The door is used really well to enhance the routine. The dances are longer now that there are fewer contestants, and it allows the routines to have longer pauses and mood changes without using up all the dance time. Add another minute on, and we’ll get to see the hate sex. This was my favorite routine of the night, and the only one you can watch again!

Nigel and Mary do another painful bit about how they were in the same situation only Nigel wouldn’t let her out, followed by and even more agonizing knock-knock joke from Mary. In between cringing, rolling my eyes, and trying to rupture my eardrums with an icepick, I deduce that they loved it.  Toni kisses Mia’s ass for a bit…cut to Mia in the audience showing her second outfit with visible bra straps for the night. Toni confesses she didn’t take notes on that one either. Don’t worry, Grandma Basil, there’s not a quiz or anything. Just make a bad joke or scream and you’ll fit right in.

 Mark and Comfort: Hip Hop

The two weakest dancers, Mark and Comfort, are paired up. Lucky for Comfort, they get hip hop (again!). Unlucky for both of them, it’s by Tabolean. Mark declares that being in the bottom two will fire them up.

The routine is about two kids in detention. Surprisingly, I don’t hate it. They luck out again because the routine was just about two kids goofing off, so they didn’t have to fake any romantic chemistry. There’s no reason for the whole school storyline, except for a bit at the beginning and end where they are sitting in desks. Why bother? I feel sympathetically sweaty watching them dance around in hoodies, vests and long sleeves. Where’s a half-dress when a gal needs it? They have one really cool lift where Comfort is flipped over Mark’s head.  He manages to keep up, even though he’s obviously not as good as Comfort.

Nigel points out that Comfort does a lot better choreographed than in her solos. Very true. It’s also true for all the other female dancers left. I still don’t see why they can’t work with choreographers for solos at least for some of the shows. Mary admits she doesn’t care if Comfort keeps getting hip hop, she was good. Toni says she’s taken classes from Tabolean and she knows it’s not easy. It’s not easy being the only 64 year old in hip hop class either, Toni, so kudos. Toni starts going on about being “street” and how you have to have the “squareness” of hip hop and still have that “groove.” It’s hard to take advice on being “street” from someone strategically hiding the plastic surgery scars with a  headband.

Joshua and Chelsie: Argentine Tango 

Joshua and Chelsie form the final pair. Dmitri choreographs their Argentine tango. He wants to return the tango to its filthy, filthy roots. Too bad he gets a couple of hyperactive schoolchildren for dancers. As they bicker and clown their way through rehearsal (example: whose butt is too big?), Dmitri looks like he’d enjoy carting them off to Siberia for a time out.

Despite the goofing off, the routine is really good. Between Chelsie’s costume and Courtney’s I think there must be a contest for longest fringe on tonight’s show. Any longer and the dancers will start to look like a disco version of Cousin Itt. Chelsie takes care of the more difficult steps for the both of them, but they’re both impressive.

Nigel, as the judge in charge of uncomfortable remarks, rules that Joshua has the biggest but in the competition. The elderweiner relates a conversation he and Mary had about “keeping it tucked under.” I’m going to assume that’s his ass and not his penis, unless we’ve segued into So You Think You Can Drag without me noticing (Coming to Bravo this fall!).

Mary admires Joshua committed to the dance and that Chelsie was sexier than in her previous tango. Crap, I know what that means: the Hot Tamale train is pulling out of Ear-Splitting Station. Toni, after secretly injecting botox during the commercial, asserts that the Tango is the most “street” of all the ballroom dances. She knows, she was in those Argentine brothels after the “Mickey” money ran out. She liked it, but thought Joshua turns were not so great.

Courtney and Will: Hip Hop

For their second dance, Courtney and Will are choreographed by Tabolean in boring lyrical hip hop. Look, I have no problem with hip hop moving in new, expressive directions. I just don’t think the direction should be towards “crappy” and the expression shouldn’t be “yawn.” 

Anyhow, we’re stuck with it for now, and I’m willing to change my mind if there’s a good routine. In the dance, Courtney is pining for Will the ghost, continuing Tabolean’s proud tradition of women-who-love-men-who-are-strangely-unavailable themes in dance.

Except for the little bits with the scrapbook, the ghost theme is pretty much wasted. The choreography is meh, but the dancers make the routine enjoyable. I’m always surprised at how good Courtney is at hip hop, especially with a bird on her head. 

Of course nothing stops Nigel from kissing Tabolean’s ass for a few minutes. They soak it up from the audience.

Tabitha: I’ve got a great idea for out next dance. It’s about Star Jones and Al Reynolds.

Napolean: Don’t touch me.

At least the judges all like the performance. I realize one plus to Mary’s tired fake out routines is that they let you prepare for the volume change. This time the Courtney and Will “didn’t meet my expectations…” pause while audience mutes TV/inserts earplugs/loses will to live, “…THEY BLEW ME AWAY!!!!!”

Toni begins by saying “When I was one of the original lockers…” Much to my surprise, this is true. Look…

I am even more impressed that she is standing next to Fred “Rerun” Berry himself.

It amuses me greatly that Wikipedia suggest she was a ‘nilla affirmative-action hire along with Deney “Dance Fever” Terrio.  Toni continues her discourse on the socio-political aspects of being “street” in a postmodern society, saying “street” was not an art-form bay in the day (Ahem, I think What’s Happening changed all that, Miss Basil). She insists that America won’t feel the same after this show. True, they will wonder when hip hop got so dull.

Katee and Twitch: Broadway

Poor Katee gets stuck with the same theme twice in a show: she’s chasing Twitch and he’s not interested. I guess Tabolean doesn’t corner the market on that theme, and looking at Twitch, I can’t blame a gal from getting a little crazy.  Tyce the Oreo says he’s going to incorporate Katee’s signature chicken-dance move in the routine. If that can’t entice a man, I don’t know what will.

Katee looks pretty awesome in her shiny red outfit, and Twitch is his usual fine self in a suit. It’s a very cute routine, the sweet counterpart to Mia’s and without the doorway abuse. The slower parts work much better for me than the fast ones. Is there some requirement that all Broadway numbers have the couple running around the stage at some point?

The judges like it too. Nigel repeats his amazement tat Twitch can perform Broadway. Why someday he may even dance in a Broadway show! Or even crazier, the film version of a Broadway show, like for example, Hairspray. A boy can dream. Katee gets more compliments on her “spirit.” I’m starting to suspect she’s either a ghost or a secret nun. Mary thinks they look like real Broadway dancers.

But wait, Toni disagrees! She thinks they were more authentic than Broadway dancers because, sigh, Twitch is more “street.” She complains that Katee had a hard time with the character because the vocal was deep and earthy, while Katee is kinda, well, cute and fluffy. Very kitten playing cougar. Neither Nigel or I can disagree. Wow, that was Katee’s first mildly negative comment. I hope her spirit can take it.

Comfort and Mark: Foxtrot

Oh dear, the foxtrot. A dance only slightly less kiss-of-deathy than the quickstep. Jean Marc assures us it will be a sassy foxtrot, which is like saying Nicky is the smart Hilton sister. Sure, she’s smart in comparison, but I’m not calling her to help out with a calculus problem.

It’s probably my low expectations again, but it didn’t completely suck. They probably missed all the twinklebitties and sliding flufflehooters or whatever, but they looked pretty and had some nice lifts. I won’t be adding the phrase “sassy as a foxtrot” to my vocabulary anytime soon.

 

 

The usual criticisms cascade from Nigel and Mary: no chemistry, didn’t flow, the skeeznibbits were completely off. Mary says they had one of the worst close-holds she’s ever seen, and that’s counting Tom and Katie’s wedding photos. Toni says something confusing about the turns not working. But were they “street” Toni? That’s what we’re dying to know. She doesn’t tell us for once, despite being one of the original Foxtrotters from vaudeville.

Chelsie and Joshua: Disco 

They really like to save the disco routines for last. I guess they don’t want the excitement of the foxtrot to overwhelm everybody before they have to drive home. Er, I mean have their Moms come pick them up and drive them home. Doriana declares she wants the audience to feel like “they can do it themselves” then proceeds to put in lifts so complicated that jet packs might be required.

It’s pretty much a given that all disco routines are perky fun. There’s a lot of little mistakes like missed handholds, but it’s overshadowed by Joshua flipping Chelsie around like a ping pong ball. Chelsie looks exactly like a Barbie doll, and I mean that as a compliment.

Joshua drops from exhaustion at Cat’s feet. As he recovers, Nigel observes that between Mia, Doriana, and Toni, they have the choreographers for some major divas: Cher, Bette Midler, and Celine Dion, not to mention enough botox to paralyze a rhino. They’re all impressed by Joshua’s strength, especially the dead lift (the lift was dead, not Chelsie). Doriana smiles as best she can.

Solos

I can almost cut and paste my comments for the women’s solos from last week, minus Kherington. The major difference is the dancers recount how they got started in dance first. This is mostly notable for the childhood photos.

Comforts solo was improved, it seemed a little more thought out to me. Chelsie’s stuck in that same awkward thing the pairs dancers do when alone. Katee and Courtney fare the best, they are pretty interchangeable, except I love Courtney a little more when she stand next to Cat.

Casting for the new Hobbit movie is complete. 

Again, the men have more variety. Mark gets points for using Santogold, but it’s not enough. He’s weird, but with no payoff. Twitch reveals he owns many, many shirts with the Superman with a “T” symbol on it. He works the crowd really well when he dances. I wanted a little more, though. The same goes for Joshua.

Will steals the entire solo show with his James Brown impression, complete with double breasted pin striped suit and wig. It doesn’t have the fanciest moves, but so what. It’s completely awesome. Even Cat salaams him at the end. It could only be improved by reenacting Brown’s high speed police chase. Go, James, go!

So we are down to the final eight. Almost all the dances (cough-Foxtrot-cough) were excellent tonight. Who was your favorite?

brilliantmistake | 07.30.08 | Filed in Recaps,So You Think You Can Dance